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In everyday life I'm not a very touchy-feely type of person. At least to most people. But any of my ex-boyfriends will tell you I love to cuddle and would always be holding on to their arm or lying my head on their shoulder. On the other hand, my friends will tell you I am not a huger. I guess it is part of my defense mechanism because I don't want to let people too close. My boyfriend at the time could always fill my need for human contact. I trusted them and knew that they cared about me so it was ok to be physically close to them. Plus it is a whole lot easier in romantic relationships to outwardly show your affection. So I didn't really need to have any other physical human contact.
But I haven't had a boyfriend (or even a date) in a very long time. So I have had little to no human contact in months. Yet I still freak out when people touch me which makes no sense to me because a good long hug would be really nice right now. I don't understand my claustrophobia, but it is definitely there. However I can't wait to have someone to be close to again because no physical human contact what-so-ever is not a good place to be either.
2 comments:
I get like that with strangers. If I don't know, you need to stay away from me. I hate taking the EL when it's crowded, everyone is all up in my business!
It's a crazy feeling when I read a post like this and am all, oh my gosh, me too. Like, exactly. I could have written this.
I definitely have my personal bubble, and I don't like it violated. But I remember when I first moved to a new city, and was living all alone in a world void of contact--I was in a packed train coming home one night, and was squished up against people. I remembered, then, that it had been MONTHS since I'd had any contact other than maybe a handshake. I missed it. Those kind of cramped quarters usually freak me out--I think I was just in serious touch-deficit or something.
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