Monday, November 24, 2008


Everyone knows that life is made up of many hills and valleys. Today I was thinking back to some of my highest hills to find the common denominator and I think I've found it- Confidence.

Some of the happiest times in my life were also when I was the most self-confident.

Back in high school when I made the Varsity cheerleading team, I was so happy. But it wasn't until that second semester on the team until I reached my peak. By that time I was semi-popular. I felt good about myself. I was in the best shape of my life. And soon after that I met a guy that made me really happy. It all came crashing down eventually, but it was REALLY great while it lasted.

Right after I moved to Raleigh, I worked my butt off and lost a bunch of weight. I had a great social life and I was happy. I was confident. Soon after I met a guy and had a blissful couple months until it all started to unravel, but 2006 was really a great year!

I think I am finding a pattern. When I get happy with my body, I get confidence. When I get that confidence, I start living life more fully. Guys can sense that confidence and happiness and are attracted to it. Then it all comes crashing down and I'm left alone again and have to start all over.

I can't let myself get too scared of the guy ruining my happiness thing because I know one day I will meet a guy and that won't happen. But something I can control is getting in shape and getting my confidence back up. And when I do meet a guy I like, I am not going to allow myself to forget about me. I am going to keep up a regular workout routine (no matter how much time I may want to spend with him!) I am going to keep my confidence up so that if it does all fall apart, I won't have to start from scratch again.

For me, my confidence is tied directly to my outward appearance. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish I could be confident no matter how I look, but I can't. Where else does confidence come from? Maybe if I knew another place to look for it, I might have other options. But right now I see this as my only option. Maybe there is a reason that is #1 on my list?

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