Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Why I'm not going to ask out a crush

I have lots of crushes.  I always have.  Since middle school I have always found it so fun to have a crush to admire from afar.  You would make up nicknames for him with your friends so that no one would know who you were talking about.  You would fantasize different things happening with him- like going to prom, or making out at the next party, or even getting married!

Rarely did these crushes ever turn in to actual relationships, but really I don’t think they should.  Most of the time the crushes were just because you thought a guy was “so cute” and relationships built on looks alone hardly ever work out.

But since I had such a crush thing going on, I thought I should add “ask out a crush” to my 30 Before 30 list.

I’ve asked guys out before, but it was never someone I had not been out with already- except for some “non-dates” I had to ask to functions such as formals, or rehearsal dinners and other occasions that require a “date”.  And for those I always asked guys I did not have a crush on but someone I knew I would be comfortable with and have fun with.

For some reason I could never ask out a crush.

But now I know why.  It’s not because I did not have the guts to do it.  It’s because I am old fashioned and I refuse to let the guy get off easy.  I mean I want a man, not a boy.  I want this man to be the man in the relationship with me and to set the tone from the beginning by asking ME out on a proper date.  A man should know what he wants and the proper way to ask a girl he likes out for a date.  I refuse to date boys who do not know who they are or what they want anymore because in my experience that only ends up hurting me in the end.  They either cheat on you or leave you to see if there is something better out there or they treat you like crap because they don’t know how to treat a woman.  It’s time to grow up.  I’m sure your mothers taught you how to treat a lady, so start doing it.

I’m all for equal rights and think women can do just about anything a man can do (sometimes better).  But I’m ok with being the girl.  I WANT to be the girl.  And I want the man I am with to treat me like a girl- a smart, wonderful, beautiful, funny girl that he thinks is just amazing- not a doormat or a housekeeper, but a partner that he wants to help, protect, and enjoy life with. 

And I want him to be the man.  I want him to be decisive and be the leader in our relationship.  I want to look at him with pride and support him in anything he wants to do.  I want him to respect my opinion and come to me when the world has beaten him down for the comfort he needs.  I’m a lady and I expect my husband to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady.  And that includes him asking ME out.

I think I was so opposed to this and fought this natural urge for so long because society kept telling me if I was a “strong independent modern woman” I should be asking guys out left and right.  But I think that I am still a strong, independent modern woman who wants a man to be a man and to ask me out if he is into me.  What is so wrong with that?

I’m not saying this is what is right for everyone.  I know lots of married couples where the girl was the first one to make the move.  All I am saying is this is what’s right for me.  And I am finally just accepting that and saying I don’t care what society tells me, this is what I want.

And that is why I am marking it off the list even though I haven’t completed it.  And I am perfectly ok with that.  It doesn’t mean that I failed.  I just figured out that wasn’t what I really wanted so why do it just because of the list?  It’s ok to figure out you were wrong about something, right?


woodlandsblonde said...

Of course, I think learning about yourself is a much bigger step anyway!

Megan said...

i actually totally agree with you...100%!

Julianna said...

Hurray! I completely agree with you. I always say that it's man disposition to hunt and it's a woman's disposition to be captivating. When we both play our God given roles, life plays out beautifully!

Akirah said...

Amen. I completely agree. I have no desire to ask out or pursue a man and I don't think I ever will. And I'm okay with that. I want to be pursued. And I think that's okay!

:: Jenna :: said...

I am just floored! this is EXACTLY what I have said when describing a relationship I want. I have notoriously been finding guys who seem to be more fem then me ...and it totally makes me feel uneasy cause I like and NEED to be the girl in the relationship.

I want that same EXACT thing you have described in this post therefore you should NOT feel any bit out of place..I find it better to be a lil old fashioned and out of the loop just means that we believe we deserve more and have morals.

Jennifer M. said...

Amen! Preach it!! I agree w/ you 100% on this, and you really said it better than I could have, so thank you for that!