Monday, June 7, 2010

Sometimes I wish I could quit being a girl

Men- you might want to skip this post.

Today freaking sucks and do you know why?  Most of it is due to my stupid little monthly visitor.  I swear I used to be one of those girls that did not get PMS, but today it is in full freaking force.

I have cried 3 times at work, sent 2 really nasty emails, snapped at 3 people, and just basically been reduced to a big pile of mush that is swinging wildly back and forth between raging anger and uncontrollable crying.  Seriously, it is just like my eyes start leaking uncontrollably.  It is ridiculous!

I am just so frustrated and I wish I had someone to go home to that would hug me and stroke my head and tell me it was all going to be okay and tell me how great I am and how stupid all these other people are for frustrating me.

Lately I feel like I keep having to build myself up.  Compliments just fall by the wayside and all I hear in my head are criticisms.  Seriously when someone says something negative to me, I internalize it for a very long time.  Sometimes forever.  And no matter how hard I try to tell myself what they said about me was wrong, I still don't believe myself deep down and their words bring me down continually everyday.

Like today.  I feel like I will always be a failure at relationships.  I feel like I don't have my shit together.  I feel like I am not pretty.  I feel like I am getting old.  I feel like I have too much baggage and hurt in my past for anyone to ever love me.  I feel like a bad copywriter.  I feel like I have no friends.  I feel so alone.  And I keep trying to talk myself out of this saying that I am great and my life is great, but sometimes it just doesn't connect.  I feel like a big fat failure at life in general today.

And I know I'm not, but dang these stupid hormones won't stop and I just am on this roller coaster of emotion today and it is not like me at all.

I know I'm being irrational.  I know I am overreacting to stuff but I can't help it.  Last night I got so frustrated with my bikini line that I just shaved it all off.  Everything- every inch I could reach with the stupid razor.  (TMI I know but really...it is a damn pain keeping up with all the girl grooming we have to do!  I also cut half of my nails down to little nubs.  If you have any easy grooming tips please share!)  And that is just one example of a long list of irrational behavior over the past 24 hours.

On top of all that, all I've had to eat today is a Kashi bar and diet Mnt. Dew.  And my stomach and my back feel like they are in a battle to the death with each other and it's even radiating down to my thighs.  And my waistband is digging in to my stomach because that is blown up like a balloon.  And I only had about 3 hours of sleep last night.

And I have all this to look forward to next month.  Yay womanhood.  Thank a lot Eve.

It is days like today that I wish I could turn in my girl card.

5 comments:

EKN said...

I am so with you today Suz. Hang in there. Say a little prayer. You'll get through it!

woodlandsblonde said...

You'll get through it girl!

Hormones SUCK. But we all go through irrational mood swings every now and again....

Do some things that make you feel good - like a pilates class...something like that. You're as old as you feel (I know you're not feeling amazing right now) but you can get back to yourself.

Tylenol PM always helps me when I absolutely cannot sleep.

Thinking about you! Hope the rest of the week is better :)!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

Oohhhh, how I hate this. Sometimes it just hits you harder than normal. It does suck being a girl!!!
Hang in there girlie, find a good book and just have some Suz time alone! :)

sharlyn emily said...

i'm on my period too! and i literally said "thanks alot eve!" last night. keep your head up:) it will pass.

Jen said...

I switched my birth control so I would only be a psycho bitch once every 3 months. You might not want to do this, but I had to in order to keep from being arrested. :) I'm sorry Susan. At least you know all of your thoughts are irrational and you know that you are a fabulous person. I know it isn't very comforting right now, but this will pass.