Here is what I did this weekend:
-Had a fight with witty guy and we're going to just be friends again
-But he did cook me this cheese grits and egg concotion that I will be adding to my rotaion
-Painted my nails (love OPI's new suede colors but they don't last long)
-Beat the Sushi Chef game on my computer
-Got Outback takeout and caught up with some TV at a good friend's house
-Went to church and did my volunteer shift with my favorite co-volunteer- she and I get along really well and I am so glad to make a new single girl friend!
-Went to Bible Study and had to pray out loud (I HATE praying out loud!)
-Ate sushi with witty guy (I've been craving it forever and see we can do the friend thing!)
Overall it was a really good weekend!
BUT- What i didn't do this weekend was go to a wedding shower cookout for some of my really good friends who are getting married next year. I wanted to go, but I was afraid. I was afraid because I wasn't going to know everone there. I was afraid because I didn't want to arrive by myself. I was afraid because I haven't seen a lot of these friends in a long time and things don't always seem as easygoing when I am around them as they used to be. I was afraid because I really can't afford to buy them a gift right now. I was afraid because we were supposed to bring a covered dish and I am not a good cook, plus did I mention I am broke? I was afraid because it was going to be mostly couples and people who are related to each other and I ALWAYS feel like an outsider. I was afraid because I feel fat and frumpy right now and didn't want to be judged. I was afriad because as much as I wanted to go and have a good time, I didn't think I would because everyone else would get drunk and I would be the sober one. I was too afraid to go so I made up an excuse that I wasn't feeling good.
I miss my friends. But things have just been so different lately. Everyone is so grown up and busy and that time and distance has made things awkward sometimes now. It makes me so sad, but I am to blame too because I could've went this weekend, but I let fear hold me back. I don't know how to fix this.
P.S. Friends that I lied to about not feeling good- If you read this I am so sorry!
Monday, October 12, 2009
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3 comments:
Suz - I know what you mean, I think we've all been there at various times in our lives. Going alone to events can be really tough when you don't really feel close to anyone there, and when most people are going to be couples.
What worked for me in the past was to essentially force myself to go, and I'd also give myself a shorter time scale as far as how long I'd be there....I'd stay 1 1/2 - 2 hours instead of the three hours I would have "normally" spent.
The worst for me was when I was going through my Divorce...I made myself go to a BBQ where I barely knew anyone. I was happy I went, but was definitely tired afterward from being "on" all day.
Also, what works when it comes to bringing food if you're unsure of your cooking abilities and if money is tight is some sort of pasta dish, like a baked ziti. I'm definitely not a great cook, but pasta with sauce and cheese in inexpensive plus relatively easy. :-)
Hey Suz –
Just saw this and had to comment.
I knew there was more to the story when I got a text and not a phone call on Saturday, but I accept your apology and it’s completely water under the bridge. No biggie at all.
What I don't get is why you were so afraid to come and spend time with old friends who couldn’t wait to see you. It hurts my heart that you say you felt weird and out of place with us.
True friends don't judge each other. The best thing about a true friendship is that you shouldn’t need to see or talk to each other all the time. And then you get to enjoy catching up when you do, without the “awkwardness.” You missed a party with your friends because of reasons YOU fabricated.
You’re right though; everyone’s busy and “grown-up” and we all have crazy lives, but that’s all the more reason for parties like Saturday, to catch up and celebrate each other. The rest of us looked forward to it for the same reasons you avoided it.
Overall, I really hate it for ya because you missed a wicked awesome time with good friends who always have and continue to care for you and love you no matter what you’ve gotten yourself to believe. You were missed. Come back to us!
Suz, I struggle with fear holding me back too. But I think now I'm more afraid of missing something and not meeting great new people and possibly missing new opportunities to let it stop me anymore. Maybe next time you feel that fear, do exactly what you are afraid of and see what great things come out of it!
By the way, I have an award for you on my book blog if you want it!
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