First Love

Tonight I was thinking and since my mind is always the one thing that keeps me from falling asleep I figured I would empty it all out here so I can get a good night's rest. So please excuse me if this post is somewhat random and discombobulated!

People always say you'll never forget your first love. That first love is always the most intense. It makes you feel the highest of highs. Its butterflies and fireworks and tingles and just pure joy. And it will stay with you forever. So what makes this first love so great? I think it is because your heart is fresh and whole and new. You don't have any battle scars because your heart has never been broken. You have no reason not to completely trust them. You have nothing else to compare it to. It is all shiny and new and great!

So how do you capture that "first love" feeling again?

First, I think you have to give time for your heart wounds to heal. The deeper the wound, the more time you need to take to make sure it is not going to rip open and start bleeding all over the place again. If you go right into another relationship without that wound healing, it will rip open again and you will never get over those past wrongs. You'll bring all that hurt with you into the new relationship and blame the new guy for ripping open that fresh wound again, when if you would have taken the time to let it heal, it may have just been a little scratch. A scratch can be forgiven, but when you are hurt and your heart is bleeding you end up losing your mind and usually the relationship.

Second, I think you have to let go of expectations. That is a really hard one. By this point we all have expectations. We have formed this perfect guy in our head. We think the situation going into the relationship has to be just so. He has to behave a certain way. And whether we like to admit it or not, we may even have expectations like "he is probably going to lie or cheat or turn out to be a loser". I think to truly experience that "first love" feeling you have to let go of all that. Let go of all the expectations, fears, and standards and just feel.

You know the feeling. You see them and get a heightening of the senses. You feel all tingly. You want to stare at them (but not). It almost feels like your whole body is smiling and you can't help it. Just thinking of them makes you smile. You think about them at random times and then when you are finally around them you get a little flutter deep in your stomach. It's a great feeling and it can happen at the most random times when you meet the most random people. One thing I wonder: Does this phenomenon stop when you get married? Is your significant other the last person who makes you feel this? Or do you just have to suppress it immediately when you do feel it after you're married?

Finally, I think you have to really believe that you deserve that kind of love. Jenny McCarthy said that on Oprah today, so it isn't my original thought, but it really struck a cord with me. Do I really believe I deserve love like that? Intellectually I know I do, but does my heart believe it? I think I need to work at that one. And when love finally does find me, I need to remember to not have any expectations so I can finally get back that lovin' feelin'!