Monday, January 4, 2010

If you've never been single for more than six months, it's best to just keep your advice for us to yourself...

I never ever in a million years would have thought I would be one of “those” girls. One of “those” girls who really wants to be married and have kids. One of “those” girls who dreams of a wedding and what color bridesmaid dresses she’ll pick and what favors she’ll pick for the guests. I never thought I would be one of “those” girls because I never thought much about if I had a boyfriend or not. I am fine by myself and I’m not usually out “looking” for someone. I wanted to finish college and start my career and build a life for myself and whether I was with someone or not, didn’t really enter my thought process that much. It was just something that happened or didn't happen.

Then it started…every year was one wedding after another. I was happy with this at first. Weddings are fun! Bachelorette parties, showers, hot groomsmen, free alcohol and food, friends you haven’t seen in forever, what’s not to love? About my 3rd or 4th summer of wedding madness (I was probably on my 20th wedding and had been in at least 5) it started to get old. The time and cost wore on me a little bit and I started to wonder if it would ever be my turn? And now I had fewer and fewer single friends to party it up with. I was the 3rd or 5th wheel one too many times.

And now we have moved on to baby madness…I tell ya, it’s never ending.

Don’t get me wrong. I am fine being single and I am truly happy for my friends. I do hate doing things by myself, but I do them anyway. I don’t have my life on hold because I haven’t found “the One”. I don’t sit around pining away for a husband and a big white wedding. (Not that I don’t want those things, but I’m not obsessed with it.) I think I do a pretty good job as a single. But I will tell you it is not easy the older you get. You start calculating in your head how many years you have left before you have missed your chance for kids. You get excited when you actually meet a male who is single, not crazy, not hideous, and not fresh out of college. You start avoiding things like New Years with your friends because this would be like the 3rd or 4th year where you will be about the only single person there and it’s much more fun to spend New Years in your PJs anyway.

Anyway, this made me chuckle this morning…Here’s some things I could relate to being “Single” over the Holidays:

1. Someone tells you, “It’s tough to be alone this time of year.” = +1 point
(but it’s totally ok if that person is single too)

2. They pat your head while they say that. = +2 points (or rub your back)

4. With bated breath, they ask, “Should I put you down as +1 for the Christmas party this year?” = +2 points (I hate the pressure of the plus 1 invites)

5. Your good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to. = + 3 points (and you just pretend you know nothing about it)

6. They wince when the world’s worst commercials, Jared’s jewelry, come on TV and some horrible actress gets engaged right in front of you. = +4 points (makes me want to slap somebody)

7. If you’re divorced they tell you, “I think this year you should really ‘focus on you.’” = +1 point (I’m not divorced but have heard this more times than I can count)

8. They try desperately to find the silver lining and say things like, “It must be nice not to have to shop for anyone. My husband is so hard to get gifts for!” = +2 points (yeah well, and I also get less presents, so think of it that way while you enjoy opening more than 2 presents this year.)

9. When you tell them you’re OK being single during Christmas, they give you a look that says, “You are such a liar. It’s impossible to be happy and single during Christmas!” = +2 points (well, I was. Just stay so busy you look forward to Christmas being over and having everything done!)

11. Someone tells you, “Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.” = +2 points (What does that even mean?)

12. Your friends have stopped saying “When you get married” because they’re not sure you’ve got it in you. = +1 point (or they are even unsure if there are any good guys left out there)

13. Your friends now say, “If you get married.” = +2 points (or worse they keep reassuring you “It will happen when you’re not looking”- Seriously stop saying that)

16. People tell you, “Maybe this will be your year” in the same tone baseball fans wonder if the Cubs will finally win the World Series this year. = +2 points (no one has said that to me…yet)

20. A friend you only see once a year during the holidays, uses the S word when hearing you’re single. “Still?” = +1 point (or else the conversation just dies after you tell them you’re not dating anyone because they don’t know what else there is in life other than their husband and kids so what in the world could they ask me about)

21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point (People REALLY love that stop looking one!)

25. Married friends feel compelled to over tell you how difficult marriage is so that you don’t feel like it’s a winter wonderland of constant awesomeness. = +3 points (or they complain about their husband never taking out the trash…yeah well, I always have to take out the trash and everything else at my house, so get over it)

32. People try to romanticize the tremendous amounts of free time you must have during the holidays without a family to bother you. = +3 points

And here’s some from an old post of his about Surviving Church as a Single:

2. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:
Student: “My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!”
Single: “My 401K is underperforming.” = +2 points

5. Someone pays you the world’s most backhanded compliment, “I just don’t understand how someone as great as you isn’t married yet.” = +1 point

6. Someone told you, “If you stop looking for love you’ll find it.” 2 points for each time you’ve heard that.

8. When people introduce you, they say, “This is Matt, my single friend.” = +2 points

9. When people introduce you they feel compelled to list out your accomplishments, “This is Sally, my single friend who owns her own home, drives a luxury sedan and has a very, very stable job.” = +3 points

10. Your friends that have been married for 15 minutes act like they suddenly don’t remember anything about dating and therefore can’t give you any advice. “It’s been so long since I dated, things have changed so much. I’m just out of that whole scene.” + 2 points

11. People are constantly volunteering you for things because, “you’re single, you’ve got so much free time.” = +1 point

13. Married friends try to live vicariously through you, asking questions like, “What did you do this weekend? Road trip? I bet you went on some crazy cool, singles road trip, right?” = +2 points

14. Someone you just met for the first time said a sentence like this to you, “If you want to get married, you need to ______.” = +2 points

15. Whenever married friends call you at noon on a Saturday, they start the conversation by saying, “Did I just wake you up?” = +3 points

23. Your married friends tip toe around you during February because they think you’re too delicate to handle the completely made up holiday, Valentine’s Day. = +1 point

24. You are too delicate to handle Valentine’s Day and have been known to describe it with a rich tapestry of words no Christian should even know exist, never mind actually say out loud. = + 1 point

30. Your best friend of 15 years gets married and then suddenly acts like a magical gap has opened up between you and decides that until you get married too you can’t be close again because you just don’t understand each other anymore. = +3 points

31. To justify giving a four week marriage sermon series to a congregation that is 60% single, the pastor throws out one blanket statement like this at the beginning of the series, “And you single people listen up to this too, this well serve you well when you get married too.” = +2 points

39. You’ve developed highly sensitive, “They’re about to throw the bouquet” radar and know exactly when to leave a wedding. = +2 points

Don't forget today is the last day to enter the giveaway!


Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

All of those comments are awful, I completely understand where you're coming from because I was single for 95% of my adult life so far. Often times I had to remind myself that these people's hearts are in the right place although it makes me cringe!

Erin Kathleen said...

Wow... Why would you say stuff like this?

Aunt said...

You just described my life in a nut shell. I too am the one who runs away from the bouquet toss, because I'm very happy where I am in life. I hate getting those questions and comments, because that's the first topic I get whenever I meet up with someone I haven't seen in forever. That and the pity face. I think I'm at about 1,000 points.

Thanks for the smile today! Glad to know there are proud single gals everywhere!

AuntBT said...

Interesting, didn't like my URL . . .

LovelyLife said...


Jen the Beachbum said...

I'm sorry it must be frustrating, I sorta feel where you are coming from because I get equally rude questions/comments since Jer and I have been together 9 years now and we aren't even engaged. People don't have sense sometimes.

On another note if you ever need someone to go party it up with, give me a call, because Jeremy won't go anywhere with me. I'm always the 3rd or 5th wheel too, but it's even more weird since I have a boyfriend so I can't even hit on a cute bartender.

AnnQ said...

Your good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to...

OMG...I remember when people used to do that crap. SO lame. So lame.

habecker said...

um yeah... i could even add a few to this list... bleh.

thought i would share a positive with you! someone who i felt understood where we were coming from.

Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect by Connally Gilliam

enjoy :)

Lindsey said...

When I read stuff like this it makes me feel thankful that i'm not officially the last single gal on earth. well,...i better go back to focusing on myself...