Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ankle length panties and why I feel regurgitated

My pastor referred to skinny jeans as "ankle length panties" in his sermon this weekend. I literally laughed out loud. Multiple times.

It was a good sermon...really funny!

Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

“Yeah, because, I mean, ‘just follow my heart’…isn’t that what Hitler did? And look at where it got the world.”

“What about friends with benefits?” Quit asking stupid questions."

Girls, you don’t want a guy who says, “Baby, of all the girls I regularly have sex with, I think you’re my favorite…”

"Sex is different for us and animals. There is no point at which the female bird asks the male, “You know, I just really need to know that you want me for more than my body.” She doesn’t say to him, “I don’t like the way you’ve been looking at some of my jungle bird friends.” They don’t go off on a picnic, make love, and then cuddle and talk about how they’re going to build a life and change the jungle together."

"A guy who has sex with a girl without marrying her is like a bulimic with food. A bulimic loves the taste of food but doesn’t want to keep the nutrients or calories in her body, so she tastes, swallows it, and then vomits it back up. That’s what a guy is doing to you… he is tasting oneness with you, but then throwing you back up because he doesn’t want to become one with you."

"If we applied this verse just as it’s written, every guy in here would be blind within a matter of minutes. Right?) A girl walks into church this morning wearing one of these tight little outfits that she looks like she melted onto herself an hour ago… or, wearing a pair of skinny jeans, which I otherwise refer to as, “anklelength panties,” and as she walks down the aisle of church you got guys applying this verse and so there’s a little trail of male eyeballs popping out and rolling around on the floor…"

"So, that’s the command: Thou shalt have great sex."

It was a really good sermon but when he compared guys who have sex with you but won't marry you to bulimics (as in they are basically regurgitating you because they don't love you enough to commit to you forever and will eventually just throw you back up) it made me sick to my stomach. He should use that line with his girls when they get older because no girl wants to be regurgitated! I have been thinking about that line for days and it seriously makes me sick when I think about how I have been regurgitated by guys I thought cared for me, but in the end, they really didn't.  It makes me mad and sad that I could just be thrown away.  I can't think about it too much...moving on...

If you want to hear or read the whole sermon, go here.


Sam said...

These are funny! Though I don't agree with his quote about guys who have sex with you and don't marry you. I mean, I guess if you're talking about a one night stand or having sex with someone only after a short time of knowing them, but this doesn't relate to long term relationships. At least not in my experience.

EKN said...

Aaaa yes, I've totally been there. Some guys are just jerks. But we live and learn!

Carolyn said...

Oof... good sermon.