Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Oh Baby and Why it is Tough Being a Woman!

As I type this, my friend Heather is in labor! I am so flippin excited to finally get to meet little Avery and her having this baby has been on my mind all day! Her water broke this morning and she sent us a text around noon saying she was being admitted to the hospital. The only other update was around 10:30 tonight when her husband said she was 6 centimeters. I am dying to know what is going on and I wish I had like a 15 minute play-by-play of whats going on.

If I was in her shoes today I would be flipping out. I mean full on panic attack. I would seriously need some anxiety medication. Having your first baby must be the scariest thing ever! You have no idea what to expect or how long it will take or how much it will hurt...oh don't even get me started on the pain! Then to know that this is the last day of your life that you are responsible for only yourself. As of tomorrow you will have this other person who is dependent on you! I would be going crazy. And she says she's not doing an epidural. I can not even imagine. Plus the baby is about 11 days early so it's not like she was expecting it to be today! Those would be some tough shoes to fill today!

Whenever I was younger or even just a few years ago I thought this "baby bug" thing people talked about was a myth. How could you crave a screaming kid? But I feel it sometimes now. If I was married right now, having a baby might have even been on my 30 before 30 list. Sometimes I do freak out thinking about the "timeline" of it all. I still need to find my husband and then I would like to enjoy some time just us two before having a family, but let's face it I'm not getting any younger.

My mom had me when she was 38 and my dad was in his forties. Growing up I thought I had the oldest parents in the world. I also used to beg my mom for a brother or sister, but at that point it just wasn't possible.

In just 10 short years I will be 38. Is that enough time to find my husband, get married and have more than one kid? Sometimes I worry about that. Time seem to pass more quickly each year and nothing happens. I used to want four kids. I used to want to be a young mom. I used to want to have 5 years with my husband before we started trying for a baby. But as the years go by those dreams seem to be further and further from the reality of my life.

Now when I hear young girls talking about their "life plan" and "timeline" for marriage and kids I want to laugh. It's just not something you can plan as easily as other things in your life because those are forever things. The guy you pick to marry will (hopefully) be the one you are with forever. The kids you have will be yours forever. It's not like picking a college you will go to for four (more or less) years. It's not like a job that you probably won't stay in for the rest of your life.

Also it is not something you have as much control over. You can't decide "oh I'll go out and find a husband today" and then when you actually want to have a baby you will start to see how unfair life can be when all these teenagers who don't want to get pregnant do and you try and try but can't. That is something else I worry about a lot. I now actually know a lot of people who have had problems I never dreamed of with fertility and pregnancies. It is so much more common than I ever thought. Will that happen to me?

In my Bible study right now we are doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Esther. The whole theme of it is "It's tough being a woman". It sure the heck is sometimes. No matter what phase you are in with your life, being a woman is tough. I know guys might have some of the same worries or fears, but I don't think it is to the extent it is for women. I don't think you would see a guy worrying so much about his eggs dying and the "timeline" of his life. And I know once I pass these hurdles in my life there will be more ahead to give me sleepless nights. It's so much pressure to be the perfect size, perfect career woman, perfect wife, perfect mother, etc. None of which I am right now by the way. Hopefully at the end of this Bible study I will be better equipped to deal with some of these pressures.

Do you think it is tough being a woman? How do you deal with it?


caterpillar85 said...

that sounds like a wonderful bible study. i just moved to a new city & really hope to connect with a church and bible study...

i completely agree with you about it being tough to be a woman. lately it seems as if every time i conquer one hurdle i always have another waiting for me on the other side. i'm also wondering when/if the next chapter (boyfriend/husband and kids) will happen as i'm 24 and would have liked to be a young mom as well.

Lauren said...

I often do the mental math of "Well, I'm 27.5, if I married my current boyfriend in approximately 2 years and then we waited this many years to have kids...etc etc" and I've learned that's no good for anyone. I'm trying to teach myself to relax and enjoy the moment. I also want to set myself up with the best life possible so that if all that never happens, I'll be happy all the same.

heidi said...

Wow, so much of what you said has been going through my mind lately too! Except, I think you're less afraid to put it out there for others to see, which I respect and admire so much! I really do laugh to think of the "timeline" I used to have in my mind for my life: marriage, career, babies, etc. I really try not to get stressed thinking about how my life is going to play out in the near future, but it's tough.

Children of the Nineties said...

I feel like the timeline is an unrealistic ideal. I have friends that rushed into marriage when they weren't ready and ended up divorced in their early 20s. My best friend from high school called off her wedding last summer and told me she felt pressure to get engaged because so many of her friends were. After seeing their experiences, I feel like definitely better to let things happen at their own pace.

Good luck to your friend in labor!

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

The good thing about her baby being early is that it won't be as big ! And I'm guessing that's a big plus :) lol

My mom was 36 and my dad 44 when they had me. I never felt bad that they were older but I'm definetly hoping to have kids when I'm younger.

As for a lifeplan, I use to have one when I was in highschool. Didn't happen. We'll see with time.

Julie Cajigas said...

I had this idea when I was a kid that I would get married at 19 and have my first baby at 25. Why? Because that's when my mom did those things. When I got to 19 I wasn't anywhere near ready for marriage. When I was 25 years old, I finally made it to the altar, but now I'm 27 and starting to really feel the baby pressure.

The thing is, we aren't ready for babies just now. I want to do my masters degree and we haven't bought a house just yet. My husband is a physician with a two year contract and we are waiting for him to sign a five before we invest in a permanent residence. Beyond that, I just feel like we're finally getting used to one another. I wish we had met younger so I would have more time. Maybe I can have a baby when I'm 29. That gives me the time to finish my degree and go on at least one more really fun trip with my husband.

I want to be a mom, but I'm afraid I will stink at it. We also have some religious concerns about how we will raise our kids, and I think that's a real barrier right now as well. Those questions can be avoided now, but as soon as there's a baby bump we have to figure out really quickly exactly what we intend to teach the baby.

I have a baby shower tomorrow morning for one of our good friends. Oh the pressure.


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Vani said...


I a going through the agony of wanting kid, and loss of career to make that happen! What astonishes me is the expectation in this world for us to endure and be patient while we are as much with the failings of human beings a men are!! But I have seen lots of this strength in women in my family and society, i have seen the endurance of my grandma who kept her dignity till the end fighting cancer, and to this day so many of unknown family members remember her, for she cemented the family links by her compassion and kindness. I think we are slipping into a generetation of intolerance, impatience and self centeredness and sometimes I feel sad the way we are not even able to cement a successful marriage. But I have some figures of inspirations in my mind which keeps me sane and hopefully I have inherited some of my granma's qualities!!

Jennifer Carr said...

It is tough, and you know I've been with Jer for over 8 years now, and while having children isn't a priority for me I have my moments (mostly when I see the cutest and most well-behaved little ones). I have fears that I would be a horrible parent too, since mine were, but then part of me reminds myself that since I know how not to be a parent, I'd probably get some of it right. The other problem is Jer doesn't want kids, ever. Funny, other people's kids LOVE him.

I say, whatever will be will be and it will most likely not go as anyone (but God maybe)planned.

That's why I stopped making plans. If I have learned anything it is that nothing ever goes as planned. So go with the flow instead.