Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Out there for ALL to see

This isn’t a private or anonymous blog. I made that decision early on because a) I wanted to share and connect with people I may have never met in person and b) I wanted to be as authentic as possible. I never wanted to feel like I was a different person here on this blog than I was in real life. I didn’t want this to be a platform for me to be someone I was too afraid to be in real life. There is just one me and I wanted to keep it that way.

I have struggled with censorship on here before. Some things that happen in your life may just be too personal to share with everyone. I try to be as open and honest on here as I can because I thought maybe someone out there can relate to what I write, maybe it would help them to know they aren’t alone, maybe my stories would put a smile on someone’s face today, or maybe they would inspire someone to do something in their own life. You see readers, I love you guys. I write this just as much for you as I do for me.

What I write is just a quick snapshot of what is going on in my life and in my head. And just like with a snapshot, you aren’t getting the whole picture. You can’t see what is going on outside the frame of my post. And you can’t get the whole picture from just a few paragraphs.

It reminds me of the story about the blind men and the elephant. The poem talks about how each man touches a part of the elephant and from just the small part he feels tries to decide what the elephant is like. One feeling a tusk thinks it is like a spear. One touching the trunk thinks it is like a snake. One touching the ear thinks it is like a big fan and so on. But all of them are wrong because not one of them has the complete picture. And that is the unfortunate part about the blog. You will never, no matter how much I write, have a complete picture.

I think I have realized that some things may be too personal to write about here. Especially if they are about more than just me. You see every time someone reads written words, they read them differently than the next person. What my words mean to me could mean something totally different to someone else.

Whoever said “Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” was gravely mistaken. Words can hurt, sometimes much worse than any kind of physical wound. I have been hurt many more times and much more deeply with words than by any kind of physical pain in my life. I don’t want my words to hurt anyone. So to anyone who has been hurt by my words, I am very, very sorry.

See, that’s why I like your comments. I like your feedback to know how my words are affecting you. I enjoy blogging, but if no one else enjoys my words, I would rather just keep an old fashioned journal. Because a blog is not private. The internet is a world wide forum and you never know who is going to read what you wrote and how it will effect them. If you like what you read let me know. If you are bored by it, let me know. If I’m not really as funny as I think I am, let me know.

I don’t know. I just feel down today. I feel hurt and confused and just really wish I could have stayed in bed. I might need to take a break from blogging for a while.

(Yes, I know you probably guessed witty guy read my blog and didn’t really like what he read. He is a really nice guy and I have a lot of fun hanging out with him so it makes me upset that he was upset. I'm sorry witty guy.)

Right now I am thinking I might never blog about dating on here again. Because dating is about two people, not just me.


Keeks said...

Just wanted to say your blog is one of my favorites. I enjoy your serious posts (esp. the self-discipline one) as well as the funny ones and the ones about your dating life.

I think anyone that blogs can understand the worry that comes with giving a little piece of yourself to your readers while not offending anyone but I think you do a damn good job.

Tabitha said...

I really enjoyed and appreciated this post. It's a good reminder of the reasons we blog, and what we should or shouldn't publicize. I also write pretty openly, and I've struggled with how much or how little to say; usually, though, it's more along the lines of worrying about saying something my PARENTS will read, since they have access to my blog. Anyway, thanks for sharing!

heidi said...

I love your blog too! I've appreciated your openness, but can also appreciate how difficult it is to walk the line between protecting privacy and being honest and open. Hang in there!

Cara said...

I like your blog as well. Don't stop writing! I am also atruggling with Christian dating, so your experiences help me out a lot. Perhaps you should pray about you delimma before making final decisions (if you haven't already!)

thegamerswife said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about issues with privacy and blogging. I too struggle with what is appropriate to write or include, knowing I have family members who can read my blog. Even my own husband sometimes says, "I can't believe you wrote that!" But I just try and remember that it's MY space to write freely as I choose to do so.

I hope you will continue to blog! I just found you and have enjoyed reading your insights so far!

Single Girl said...

I once had a very public blog that a bunch of my girl friends would post on.

It caused a many a boy fights because of the things we would post about the boys we were dating. YEARS later I got an angry phone call and was totally bitched out because of a post I wrote.

It was honest. At the time that was all I thought mattered.

I like your blog. I think you do a good job of being honest, and still being respectful of others feelings, esp in your dating posts. It never seemed like you were making fun of, or making a joke of anyone.

Sorry! Don't hide from the blogging world...

Suz said...

Thanks for all the comments! I am so glad someone enjoys reading my thoughts...it really encouraged me to keep going!