Sunday, April 17, 2011

It's been a long week

This week has been stressful.  If I could choose a word to describe how I feel at the end of this week it would be: Failure.  I don't know if it is because I put too much pressure on myself, or if I am just not trying hard enough, or if I get stressed out too easily, but a lot of times in my life I just want to hit the pause button and take a break from my life until it gets a little bit better/easier.

I was so busy at work this week that I forgot to submit my time sheet on Monday and didn't get it in until Wednesday, which meant I didn't get paid.  I am so broke.  I finally got my tax refund and paid off the credit card bill my car repairs racked up in January, but today I went to lunch with some friends and my debit card was declined.  It was so embarrassing. Sticking to #5 and paying all my bills on my own at 30 should not be this hard.  So I feel like a failure financially.

This week was crazy at work with a lot of our products selling out and a lot of new launches getting ready to happen, and that would have been stressful enough, but then I had a conflict with a co-worker that I still don't feel is resolved and is weighing heavily on me.  A few weeks ago we had our big end of the quarter/begining of the year meeting and I felt like I was the only one on our team that didn't get any awards.  I tried to hold it in and not let it bother me, but it does.  The stress along with my distaste for the contracting company I work for and their lack of benefits, vacation time, and lying to me about the amount of my raise has made me question marking off #3- get a job I love.  I feel like a failure at work right now.

I still have no prospects in the romance department and I feel old and ugly and past my prime.  I feel like a failure as a former "cute" girl who could turn a few heads back in the day, but no one seems to notice now.

I did run my third 5K last weekend but my time was pretty much the same as the other two 5Ks I have ran.  Every time I have come in at 37 minutes and xx seconds.  I was not feeling good that day and there was a huge hill at the beginning so I kind of gave up early on and walked the hill.  It didn't get much better after that.  I put #7- Run a 5K on my list because I thought I would feel proud and that I accomplished something, but after 3 of them I have yet to feel proud or accomplished after one.  So yeah I feel like a failure physically.

I wish I could take a vacation or something, but I only have 5 paid days off per year (sick + vacation) and I feel like I need to save them for something important.  I wish I had someone to just cuddle on the couch with that could tell me it is going to be okay.

As sad as it is, I wish I could have a cigarette, but that's the one thing I haven't failed at yet.

Ok I am going to try to stop complaining because I'm even making myself sick with all this woe is me crap.

What do you do to pick yourself up from a long day/week/year/life?

Maybe a jog with Cam listening to the words and melody of this appropriate song will soothe my soul a little...


Jenny said...

Awww...Chin up, girl. You're still cute! I know what you're going through. Happens to me every once in awhile too. Sounds like you need a vacation, or at least a change of (male) scenery.

Lori said...

I understand completely! I had a bad last 2 weeks as well. So much that I withdrew myself from weekend plans and basically threw myself a pity party. Ironically during the same time I bought Jillian Michaels' new book Unlimited. Seriously, YOU MUST READ IT! Please just take my word and go buy it and make it your goal to really engage yourself in what she says. I am only about half way through and it is already helping me tremendously and teaching me new things about myself. Good luck! :)

Miss Priss said...

I am sorry you had such an aweful week girl. Know that you are loved and beautiful! My sister sent me this quote this morning and I really needed to hear it. I hope you can benefit from it as well. Love ya girl!

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.”

Mai said...

It'll past Suz. You're a great person! Chin up.

Vee said...

We all have bad days/weeks/months. The last 6 months of my life have been very bad and hopeless. But there must be down times in order to appreciate the good. Anytime we start a new job we want things to be good and we believe it because we have to or else we wouldn't have changed jobs. It will pass. Also, you haven't been at your job for too long and next year will be your year to shine. How would you feel if the new girl got all sorts of awards? So, it's about perspective. You are a pretty girl but if your confidence is down, you aren't going to shine. Be proud that you've run 3 5K's. That is a big deal. Who cares about the time? You did it and that's more than most of us. As for money, well, it should never be about the money because it will always disappoint you.

Stephanie said...

Head up, buttercup. Everything gets tough sometimes, but you know what? Life is too short to be doing something you don't like. If life starts to fight you, fight it back. Buckle down and show your life who's in charge, because it IS your life, right??
Don't give up. Keep going. This is your life, and you need to remind it of that, or it'll trample all over you. =]

Dakota Transplant said...

Sometimes you just have to have a bad week to pick yourself up again! REfocus! :)

Tales of Our Journey said...

I agree with Dakota. We all have those weeks! Hang in there girly. I'll say a little prayer for you! :o)

Jennifer M. said...

Oh sad! I am sorry you had such a long week!! I can totally relate though. Some days I get so down on myself for being 31, without a boyfriend, living with a somewhat annoying roommate, having no money and a job that I hate... etc etc etc.

The thing that keeps me going is having a goal and a plan to change my life. I'm working on going back to school to learn a new trade -- one that will let me freelance. I've realized that a common thread in all of my frustrations is not having the freedom of time.... so I'm going to do something about that. Hopefully someday soon I'll be able to afford my own apartment, in my own location of choice, have my own creative space that I can make a living in without having a boss, and also have money and time to actually travel and see the world (something that is hard to do with only a few vacation days a year).

Hope this helps. Keep dreaming!