I have never really been a big fan of kids. Probably because I have not been around them much and thus they kind of scare me. They are unpredictable. They cry and scream. They are messy. They don't listen. They can't communicate well. They require a lot of attention. They're fragile and get hurt easily. It's all very terrifying.
I always wanted a big family. I wanted a household full of activity. I wanted to have huge Holiday gatherings. But somehow I kind of wanted to skip the kid part I think. I used to want to have at least 4 kids, but now I am thinking 2 because I don't know that I could handle much more than that.
But lately I think the baby bug has been nipping at me. I find myself gazing at cute tiny clothes in the store. I find myself oohhing and ahhing over random babies. I think the things my friend's kids do are so freaking cute. I suddenly want to ask pregnant ladies when they are due.
When we were in DC I got to feel my friend Heather's baby move. It was crazy. It wasn't like a kick, but more like she was turning inside her tummy and pushing outwards on her stomach. I felt so weird but was so amazing.
I am not ready for that at all. It terrifies me the thought of being pregnant, giving birth, being completely responsible for a little creature, and having my whole life change. And luckily it is not in my immediate future, but somewhere so far off I don't really have to worry about it. But I find myself fighting the possibility of that happening sometime in the future less and less.
It also helps knowing that people who have taken that leap have had the same doubts, fears, and mixed feelings. Heather wrote the most amazing post this weekend sharing her thoughts on what is about to happen to her life. I loved it because that would probably be a lot of the same things that would be going through my head were I in her shoes (along with how the heck is this thing going to get out of my belly without me having to go through hell?). It was a very open, honest, and endearing post so go check it out here.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
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4 comments:
Love the idea of your blog. I just hit that momentous bday a few months ago and I wish I had done something like this. Anyhoo, my little dude was born about nine months ago and I had all the same thoughts before he came into my life. And it is soooooooo worth the pangs of pregnancy. My life will never be the same but it has changed so much for the better!
I would love to have a big family someday. I watch shows like Brothers & Sisters and always think I would love to be part of something like that someday (someday a good distance in the future that is)
God, I know how you feel-- I'm only 24, but my ovaries keep hitting me over the head saying "BABY! BABY!" but I've still got to finish law school, get a job, and I'm not even engaged.
Plus, I hate babies! I do!
What a great post! Interestingly enough, I STILL feel that way daily (terrified, doubts, fears, mixed feelings) even after having my three girls. It is such a journey. I went from having a baby brother 17 years younger - and swearing off of EVER having kids based on seeing what hard work it is - to marrying - to having three kids in less than four years. It is a trip. A wonderful, scary, fun, hard, and inspiring trip.
Wishing you the best - life is great before kids, life can still be great afterward. I promise! Even better, I hear it will get better once I start getting sleep!
Thanks for letting me visit! :)
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