Finacially Independent

One of the things on my 30 Before 30 list is to pay all my own bills with no help from my mom.  I know, I know..I'm spoiled right?  I just got in the habit of my mom covering my gas and my car insurance since I was 16 and I've just never been able to cut that cord because I was afraid.  I was afraid of failing financially and that was my safety net.  But starting July 1st I am going to try!  For the first time in my life I will be paying ALL my own bills on a consistent basis.

Money is a really tough thing in your 20s.  You aren't making crap and you suddenly have all these bills.  It takes a while to learn how it all works and it is so easy to get out of control in your 20s and spend the rest of you life paying it off.

You look around at your friends and feel like you have to keep up with what they have.  First it is the cute clothes and designer purses.  Then it is the car and the house.  Before you know it you end up in over your head thinking what did I do?

Then you have the fun factor to deal with.  Your 20s is when you are supposed to be living it up.  You have so much freedom so you should enjoy it right?  Drinks after work, dinner out with your friends, concerts, movies, and that big game you just HAVE to go to end up draining your bank account.

Then you have the trips.  I mean what other time in your life will you have so much freedom to just get up and go?  You want to see the world!  You take a cruise for Spring Break.  You trek across Europe after graduation.  I mean this is what happens in the movies to 20 somethings just like you, so why not you??

One other thing that I have not had to deal with yet, but could pop up in your 20s is children.  I can't even imagine the drain that puts on your bank account!

Soon you start to realize there are so many boring important things you have to cover as well like insurance- health, car, home!  Then you have 401Ks to fund and oil changes and then your dishwasher quits working and suddenly all your "fun" money has gone to boring grown-up stuff.

It is a lot to figure out and it has taken me over 10 years to feel like I finally have some control over my finances.  And that took a lot of falling into deep money pits and pulling myself out of them (sometimes with a little help!).  I racked up $2000 on a credit card in college.  I got laid off and after months of looking had to take a job at a 30% pay cut and figure out how too make ends meet.  But all that has taught me so much that I would have never learned without the unexpected and unimaginable actually happening to me!

I'm no financial expert, but I have got some things down now.  According to Charles Schwab's Financial Fitness tool I am in pretty good shape with a solid score of 76.  So here are some of my financial tips for 20 somethings:

1. Pay off your credit card balance EVERY MONTH!  If you are in debt to credit card companies, make a plan and pay them off immediately.  Go on a "spending diet".  Pay off the one with the highest interest rate first and work your way down.  Once you get them paid off only use them for big purchases (to get the points, rewards, or discounts) and then pay it all off when the bill comes.  I say only big purchases because they are not easy to forget.  If you use them on everyday things like a trip to Target or a dinner out, it can add up quickly and you might not have enough left at the end of the month to pay it off.  A big purchase ($100+) is not as easy to forget and you can just keep that set aside and pay off the bill when it comes (or even better, go right home and pay it off online before you forget!)  You want to use credit wisely like that so that when you need a loan for something big like a house or car, you will have the credit score that proves you know how to pay your bills on time!

2. Live more simply.  This one I learned over the last year.  I had to cut out everything I could.  I wanted to go on the annual ski trip with all my friends but I knew I couldn't.  I was in LOVE with my DVR but eventually I had to give that up too.  I didn't buy new clothes.  I was down to like 3 pairs of shoes.  I skipped dinners out and movie trips with my friends.  But, you know what?  It's not so bad.  Things you think you just HAVE to HAVE, you really don't.  I could probably afford DVR and cable now, but I don't need it.  I also did a big yard sale this Spring and it amazed me how much I WANTED to part with.  I want my closet to be less crazy!  I want to have less knick knacks to dust!  So before you buy something really think about how much you really need it and if you buy it and have buyer's remorse the next day or even THINK you won't use it as much as you thought, RETURN IT!

3. Enroll in one of those automatic savings plans at your bank.  I enrolled in my bank's automatic savings program a few years ago.  I takes a dollar out of my checking account and puts it into my savings account automatically every time I use my debit card- which is A LOT!  I never have cash!  It doesn't build up crazy amounts, but you can rack up a couple hundred in there over the course of 6-12 months and I can not tell you how many times that account has bailed me out when unexpected expenses pop up- like the AC repair I had to have this week!  In addition to that I would recommend getting as much as you can in to another savings account like a Money Market account.  If it wasn't for my Money Market account, I would have been screwed when I lost my job last year!

4. Set warning thresholds for your checking account.  I have a low and high threshold warning set for my checking account.  My low threshold is $500 and my high is $1500.  I set it for these amounts because I know if I hit that low threshold I am in danger of not being able to cover my mortgage payment if I don't watch my spending (factoring in the amount of my next paycheck) and if I hit the high threshold I know I should look at moving some of it to my money market account before I get the "I've got money" syndrome and blow it on something I don't need.  This is a system that took me a while to get right because of the way my bills come and when I get paid, so just play around with the threshold limits until you find what works for you.

5. Ignore the "Joneses".  It is so easy to get wrapped up in comparing what you have to what your friends have.  You want a big 3 bedroom house with a garage because that is what your best friend got.  You want a nice car because that is what you are surrounded by in the parking lot at Target.  You want the shoes everyone is wearing.  You want  the American Dream- a big house, or that killer apartment, with the 2 cars and maybe even a boat!  That's the way everyone lives in the movies right?  Ignore it.  It will drive you crazy and drive you into debt in a heartbeat.  Don't buy things you can't afford.  Don't think life is a race of who can get the most and best stuff the quickest.  It's not.  Figure out what you really need and then once you have those things covered start adding some splurges that make YOU happy.  Screw what everyone else has...it's NOT a competition.  And trust me, I know this is easier said than done, but it is the one rule that can make your life and your dealings with money so much easier!

So what are some financial lessons you've learned in your 20s?

Disclaimer: This post is part of the 20SB Blog Carnival: Friends & Money, sponsored by Charles Schwab. Prizes may be awarded to selected posts. The information and opinions expressed in this post do not reflect the views or opinions of Charles Schwab. Details on the event, eligibility, and a complete list of participating bloggers can be found here. 

Why I'm not going to ask out a crush

I have lots of crushes.  I always have.  Since middle school I have always found it so fun to have a crush to admire from afar.  You would make up nicknames for him with your friends so that no one would know who you were talking about.  You would fantasize different things happening with him- like going to prom, or making out at the next party, or even getting married!

Rarely did these crushes ever turn in to actual relationships, but really I don’t think they should.  Most of the time the crushes were just because you thought a guy was “so cute” and relationships built on looks alone hardly ever work out.

But since I had such a crush thing going on, I thought I should add “ask out a crush” to my 30 Before 30 list.

I’ve asked guys out before, but it was never someone I had not been out with already- except for some “non-dates” I had to ask to functions such as formals, or rehearsal dinners and other occasions that require a “date”.  And for those I always asked guys I did not have a crush on but someone I knew I would be comfortable with and have fun with.

For some reason I could never ask out a crush.

But now I know why.  It’s not because I did not have the guts to do it.  It’s because I am old fashioned and I refuse to let the guy get off easy.  I mean I want a man, not a boy.  I want this man to be the man in the relationship with me and to set the tone from the beginning by asking ME out on a proper date.  A man should know what he wants and the proper way to ask a girl he likes out for a date.  I refuse to date boys who do not know who they are or what they want anymore because in my experience that only ends up hurting me in the end.  They either cheat on you or leave you to see if there is something better out there or they treat you like crap because they don’t know how to treat a woman.  It’s time to grow up.  I’m sure your mothers taught you how to treat a lady, so start doing it.

I’m all for equal rights and think women can do just about anything a man can do (sometimes better).  But I’m ok with being the girl.  I WANT to be the girl.  And I want the man I am with to treat me like a girl- a smart, wonderful, beautiful, funny girl that he thinks is just amazing- not a doormat or a housekeeper, but a partner that he wants to help, protect, and enjoy life with. 

And I want him to be the man.  I want him to be decisive and be the leader in our relationship.  I want to look at him with pride and support him in anything he wants to do.  I want him to respect my opinion and come to me when the world has beaten him down for the comfort he needs.  I’m a lady and I expect my husband to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady.  And that includes him asking ME out.

I think I was so opposed to this and fought this natural urge for so long because society kept telling me if I was a “strong independent modern woman” I should be asking guys out left and right.  But I think that I am still a strong, independent modern woman who wants a man to be a man and to ask me out if he is into me.  What is so wrong with that?

I’m not saying this is what is right for everyone.  I know lots of married couples where the girl was the first one to make the move.  All I am saying is this is what’s right for me.  And I am finally just accepting that and saying I don’t care what society tells me, this is what I want.

And that is why I am marking it off the list even though I haven’t completed it.  And I am perfectly ok with that.  It doesn’t mean that I failed.  I just figured out that wasn’t what I really wanted so why do it just because of the list?  It’s ok to figure out you were wrong about something, right?

I'm thinking about taking something off The List

Despite the fact that my AC decided to stop working and I am going to have to sleep downstairs on the couch tonight because it is like a million degrees upstairs AND I have to wake up and get 4 shots in the morning, it was still a great weekend!

Friday I went and hung out with my BFF and my favorite 4 year old. He is so stinking cute. While I was over there he runs up to his grandpa in the kitchen and says "Popa I have a Susan!" It was so cute! I think a Susan is a very good thing to have and I am happy to be his Susan!

Saturday was another surprise party! Yes, I know we just had one, but they are so much fun. This time it was for my friend's 30th birthday and it was an 80's theme! Normally I don't like dressing up too much, but I decided to put some effort in to it. I tight rolled my jeans, wore a bright orange shirt with a bright green tank top, big hoop earrings, zebra print stilettos and put my hair half up in side pony tail thing. I was glad I dressed up because just about every girl there dressed up and some of the guys too! It was hilarious!

We are just so goofy and comfortable with each other...it really is like we are family. We were dancing our butts off to "Come on Eileen" in the garage and then we had a dance off to 80's music in the living room. The boys were hilarious! They were busting out moves like "the sprinkler" and "the shopping cart". The birthday girl did the whole "She's a maniac" thing from Fame. It was so much fun!

Most of us ended up on the back porch towards the end of the night and somehow everyone was going around telling stories of how they met their significant other. Well, in my group of friends the boys sure do like to pick on me. So they ask my crush "So tell us about the first time you met Susan!" (This was not the first embarrassing reference they had made about the crush that night. They picked on where we disappeared to last time...I swear I want to kill them sometimes.) He immediately laughed and said "She raped my ear!"

I met him a few years ago when we all went down to Savannah for Saint Patrick's Day. We all got wasted one night and had to get a van back to the house. I apparently made out with his ear while he was practically passed out in the van. I can barely remember that night, but no one will ever let us forget how I "raped" his ear! It has been a joke for years. I'm glad he is such a good sport because with any other guy I would have died of embarrassment years ago!

Unfortunately the night ended very badly. Two of the brothers got in a fist fight and one of them had a cut so deep above his eye that we thought he might have to get stitches. The brothers have fought before but that was the worst fight I've seen. I got up and went inside because I knew it was coming. One was pushing the other one's buttons and would not stop and they were both drunk and I could just feel the air getting tense. I won't go in to details but it was bad and I hate that is how the night ended because it was such a good night up to that point.

This weekend also got me thinking about the list. I turn 30 in a little over a month. I have a lot to mark off, but I think I am going to get most of them. And whatever I don't I will just move to my 40 Before 40 List.

I am thinking about taking one off though. I don't think I want to "ask out a crush". I have had ample opportunity to ask out a crush over the last few weeks (or at least make out with him) but I have no desire to. We flirt with each other and have fun, but I don't want to go any further than that. I don't know if it is because I see him more as a friend now or what, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I want the guy I'm going to be with to have the guts to ask me out if he likes me. I'm the girl and I want the guy I marry to treat me like a girl and court me. If I was just looking for a date, fine, I would ask out the crush. But I have given up on dating. I have no desire to get in another dead end relationship. I would rather be alone. When I do meet the one I want him to like me so much he won't hesitate to ask me out or "chase" me. Until then I can just enjoy flirting with the crush and dancing with random boys. That's more fun than all the drama anyway!

What do you think? Should I take that one off the list?

One Year Later

Before I bring you my regular blog post I have to tell you about my new favorite summertime drink!  It was inspired by the Strawberry Lemonade at O'Charley's.  I tried that a few months ago and LOVED it!  I had it again a few weeks ago when my mom and uncle came up to visit for my mom's birthday.  I was determined to make an at home version that was easy and quick.  It's isn't as banging as the O'Charley's version, but it is pretty darn good!

Pour half a glass of this:

And top off the other half with this:

Try it!  You'll like it!

Anyway...All over the news has been stories of how it has been one year since Michael Jackson died (and Farrah Fawcett- poor Farrah, she'll always be in MJ's shadow now.)

I remember when I found out about MJ's death.  I was laying out by the pool (on a weekday) and got the news on my phone.  Thinking about that day a year later made me think about how much has changed in the last year.

Last year I was laid off but getting ready to start a new job at the real estate office.
 
This year I no longer work at the real estate office and I am swimming in the deep end and feeling a little lost at my big new corporate job.

Last year I was in a relationship that I was still trying to get used to.

This year I really no longer talk to that guy and do not have not much desire to date...I hate dating and I don't even know how I would fit it in because I am so busy!  I just wish my husband would show up on my doorstep and sweep me off my feet!

Last year I was sad because I couldn't afford an annual summer vacation.

This year I'm still not taking a summer vacation, but I am going on the biggest, longest trip of my life to Dubai in a few weeks!

A lot has changed in just a few short months.  That makes me excited because I hope a lot more changes over the next 12 months!

How much has your life changed over the last year?

I'll Pray for You

Sorry I haven't written in a while.  Things have been super busy this week!  I think it is going to just be crazy maddness from here on out until I get back from Dubai.

That reminds me again- those of you who donated or helped me raise funds- THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I couldn't have gotten here without you!!  I can not believe it is happening.  I can not wait to go and come back and share my experience with all of you!!  You guys are angels and I can only hope to be as generous as you were when someone needs me!

Which brings me to praying...as a Christian I am challenged to pray for people everyday.  Pray for a friend whose mother just found out the cancer is back.  Pray for a friend who is about to have her first baby.  Pray for a family whose little girl is in the hospital.  Pray for a friend who is about to have surgery.  Pray for a friend who is going after a new job.  Pray for a friend who is trying to sell her condo, find a new job and move.  Pray for a co-worker who was just in a car accident.

Those types of prayers aren't that hard, you just have to remember them all.  The kind of prayers that are hard are the ones you pray for the people you don't like.  People who have hurt you or done you wrong.  Mean people.  Your enemies.  Mostly I pray for God to give me a forgiving spirit towards them and to be able to show them love even if they are undeserving just like God showed me love when I was undeserving.

But last night I heard a song on the radio that had me cracking up! Deep down this is the type of prayer I would rather pray for those meanies...because deep down I'm mean too!  Only God can help me love my enemies because trust me it ain't easy!

Pray for You- Jaron and The Long Road to Love



I haven't been to church since I don't remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them


I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you

I'm really glad I found my way to church
Cause I'm already feelin' better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I'm gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin' up, and I'll keep prayin' for you

I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt!

Tonight the neighbors brought over some goodies for Cam and Bailey and me as a thank you for checking in on their cats.  So sweet!  One of the toys in there was a laser pointer for Bailey.  He loved it!  But soon Cam got jealous and wanted to show Bailey how it was done.  He was running so fast trying to catch that little red dot.  All of a sudden I saw what looked like mud streaks on the kitchen floor.  Upon closer inspection I saw that it was blood.  And it wasn't just in the kitchen, it was everywhere!  Blood streaks all over the carpet!

I told Cam to lay down so I could find out where the bleeding was coming from.  I soon saw that he had ripped the pads off of BOTH of his front feet!  I made him stay in the kitchen while I used every drop of carpet cleaner in my house trying to get up the streaks all over my living and dining room.  I still didn't get them all!

He didn't even act like it hurt!  But I cleaned them and bandaged them to stop the bleeding from getting anywhere else:

Poor thing!  This is the second time he has ripped one of his paw pads off!  I feel like a bad mommy for teasing him with the laser pointer, but he loved it.  He would've kept going all night if I wouldn't have seen the blood!  I think that will have to be a Bailey only toy from now on.

And I guess I will either be renting a carpet cleaner or maybe this is a great excuse to get those hardwoods I've been wanting!

He was sure worn out from all that playing though!

Holy Moly Phone Bill!

Last night I sat down to pay my bills.  Everything was pretty normal until I got to my phone bill.  My phone bill is usually around $90/mo.  I opened this month's bill and it was over $200!  I though ok, they just haven't processed last month's payment.  Oh no, they had processed last month's payment.  I had went over my minutes!  I had never gone over my minutes!  I had roll over minutes and the two people I used to talk to everyday after work- witty guy and the BIFF both were AT&T customers so they were free.

What the heck had happened?!

I couldn't tell from looking at my bill so I called customer service. Apparently I had started to dip in to my roll over minutes in April. April is when all the crap with witty guy went down. Now instead of calling him everyday after work, I was calling my other best friend- who is not an AT&T customer. I spent so much time talking to her about all my drama before the 9 pm cut off for my night time minutes that I blew through all of my regular monthly minutes and my roll-over minutes over the past 2 months. Now I was getting charged $.45/minute and I had gone over by almost 400 minutes! That's $180 worth of complaining and whining!

Lesson Learned. Yes, talking to a friend to work through a break up might help, but do it after 9 pm next time ok?