Monday, June 4, 2012

To crush or not to crush?

I am sorry I have not been blogging much lately.  You see my mind has been a little preoccupied...

I have a crush.  I full blown crush.  At first it was kind of exciting.  Getting butterflies.  Flirting.  Day dreaming.  But now it has become overwhelming.  I hate it actually.  As much as I want something to happen with the crush, I am SO afraid of something real happening.  I can't take getting hurt again.  I can't take losing a best friend again.  Sometimes it is better to keep it all in your head.  Until that is all that is in your head!

Maybe I have built him up too much in my head?

Maybe I have read too much in to the situation and he really isn't in to me at all?

Maybe something could happen but then it wouldn't work out and I'd be devastated?

What if he doesn't love Jesus?

Does he know that I like him?

Should I be doing something to try to get him?

What if he does know but he doesn't like me?

What if he's just not that in to me?

What if he is into me but is just too shy or hasn't seen a opportunity to do anything?

And talk about insecurities.  I have so many insecurities.  About my body.  About my awkwardness.  About my conversation skills.  About my flirting abilities.

I've always had this crush problem.  I've had intense crushes since middle school.  I used to make up code-names for them all so that I could talk about them with my friends without anyone knowing who we were talking about.

In fact #6 on my list was "ask out a crush".  But I wrote HERE about why I was crossing that one off the list without doing it.  But maybe I should reconsider?  hmmm highly unlikely...

I wish I could just turn it off.  Just go back to a time when I didn't have a crush on this person and everything was normal.  Ahh I remember that time.  It was so much less stressful.

Maybe I want something to happen.  Maybe I don't.  Either way I wish it would move in one direction or the other because right now I am just consumed.

Since I am so consumed and cannot form coherent thoughts in my head, I have lined up a fabulous guest blogger for tomorrow.

And if any of you readers would like to guest blog this week while I try to get this crush situation under control, please let me know!


Caroline McLean said...

Crushes are brutal sometimes! Your post totally inspired me to do my own post. Sometimes letting yourself care about someone again is the most terrifying thing in the world. I'm completely in the same boat right now!

Shoshanah said...

I definitely did the code names back in high school. I still remember them even... Pierre, Carlo... Of course those guys had steady girlfriends throughout high school which is why nothing ever happen. Besides the fact I was too shy to actually talk to them of course.

Jennifer M. said...

Oh man, I do not envy you at all. I get these same insecurities and questions in my head when I crush on someone. I also really want to be pursued as well, so I've never actually asked out a crush. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to, but I just figure it's a good test of their character. I mean, if they aren't man enough to make a move, would I really want to be with them anyway?

I guess I don't have a lot of advice for you though. I have never been good at crushes and they never really work out for me, so… good luck with yours! Lol. I do think if it's meant to be, he'll make a move. Until then, try to keep yourself distracted by soemething else, and just pretend he's your little brother when you're around him. That way you'll seem normal to him if he isn't into you, and if he is, well, he'll let you know no matter what you do, so I wouldn't worry about that. ;)

Tiffany said...

New to your it!! I am totally a crusher. It's like an addiction! :) Now that we have this in common, I'll be becoming your newest follower for sure!


Kristine said...

I wish I could help you control this crush, but I haven't had a "crush" since high school (almost 10 years). I am actually jealous. I miss those days!