Tuesday, October 30, 2012

List progress and second thoughts

Since I marked off #27- Read the Bible all through, I now only have 3 things left on my list!

1. Get in the best shape of my life
10. Catch a fish
26. Kiss in the rain

I am so close I can taste it!  Obviously I did not meet my goal of doing all these before I was 30 (because I am 32 now) but that is ok.  30 is not the end of the world I thought it would be.  Neither was 31 or 32.  At least I am still making progress and not giving up on the things want to do just because some self-imposed deadline has passed.

When I was reviewing the list there was one that I wondered if I should re-consider.  I marked off #6- Ask out a crush two years ago.  I marked it off without doing it.  Why?  Well here is an except from the post I wrote about it:

"...  It’s not because I did not have the guts to do it.  It’s because I am old fashioned and I refuse to let the guy get off easy.  I mean I want a man, not a boy.  I want this man to be the man in the relationship with me and to set the tone from the beginning by asking ME out on a proper date.  A man should know what he wants and the proper way to ask a girl he likes out for a date.  I refuse to date boys who do not know who they are or what they want anymore because in my experience that only ends up hurting me in the end.  They either cheat on you or leave you to see if there is something better out there or they treat you like crap because they don’t know how to treat a woman.  It’s time to grow up.  I’m sure your mothers taught you how to treat a lady, so start doing it.

I’m all for equal rights and think women can do just about anything a man can do (sometimes better).  But I’m ok with being the girl.  I WANT to be the girl.  And I want the man I am with to treat me like a girl- a smart, wonderful, beautiful, funny girl that he thinks is just amazing- not a doormat or a housekeeper, but a partner that he wants to help, protect, and enjoy life with.  

And I want him to be the man.  I want him to be decisive and be the leader in our relationship.  I want to look at him with pride and support him in anything he wants to do.  I want him to respect my opinion and come to me when the world has beaten him down for the comfort he needs.  I’m a lady and I expect my husband to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady.  And that includes him asking ME out. 

I think I was so opposed to this and fought this natural urge for so long because society kept telling me if I was a “strong independent modern woman” I should be asking guys out left and right.  But I think that I am still a strong, independent modern woman who wants a man to be a man and to ask me out if he is into me.  What is so wrong with that?

I’m not saying this is what is right for everyone.  I know lots of married couples where the girl was the first one to make the move.  All I am saying is this is what’s right for me.  And I am finally just accepting that and saying I don’t care what society tells me, this is what I want.

And that is why I am marking it off the list even though I haven’t completed it.  And I am perfectly ok with that.  It doesn’t mean that I failed.  I just figured out that wasn't what I really wanted so why do it just because of the list?  It’s ok to figure out you were wrong about something, right?"

I still feel this way, but I realize I am kind of wishy-washy sometimes.  I mean just a few weeks ago I was blogging about how I wanted a boy who still likes to be silly and have fun.  I mean am I asking too much?  expecting too much?  I know lots of people who ended up together because the girl made the first move.  Is there a reason I put this on the list?

Do I need to reconsider?  Or was I right the first time?  Should I stick to my guns and hold out for a guy that has guts??



Jeannee said...

Stick to your guns!!! Its like Christmas: you have to believe - or else you wind up with underwear (on Christmas) or men who walk around the house in underwear ;)

Let me tell you a (circa 1989) story: There was a new secretary at the company I worked for ... she wasn't an extraordinary beauty ... but she wore a fur coat and drove a sports car, went on vacations to exotic places - her boyfriend even sent a car detailing service to take care of her automobile he bought for her, at the job - which just wasn't done then - it literally stopped work -everyone was staring!!! When I got to know her better, I asked her, basically - LuAnne, you are not any better looking than me - so why do you have this boyfriend and not me?! And she looked me in the eyes and said, "You settle. I don't."

Caroline said...

DANG Jeannee, that's a great story.

Suz - I don't know what to tell you about asking a guy out or not. I do know, though, that a man can still be a man and also have a silly side. My boyfriend is definitely older than 32. He takes charge of things and is an amazing date/getaway planner. But I love dancing, and when I decide to dance down the street for no reason at all - he dances with me. :)