Friday, July 27, 2012

Girl Friends

Friendships with girls are tough.  Girls are just a different breed.  We are emotional.  We are controlling.  We like to get what we want (even when we don't exactly know what we want yet).  It has been played out in movies time and time again.  Girls...err and Women are not just 2 dimensional, we have so many dimensions to ourselves we can't even keep up.  Put us with another girl or group of girls and things get complicated fast.

Then throw in even more difficulties, like work friends, or friends we only see a few times a year, friends you haven't seen since college, church friends, and even frenimies...

Urban Dictionary describes frenimies this way:

A "friend" who really doesn't like you, nor you like she, yet you are drawn togther by some sick dramatic bond. 

And then if you want to make it even more complicated throw some guys in the mix. They operate on a whole other level and do not get the intricacies and rules of the female friendships but still must give their opinion.  And if one of the guys happens to be single and more than one of the girls likes him...well honey go pop yourself some popcorn because you are sure to get a show.

It does not end in middle school.  It actually gets worse in high school but doesn't end there.  College takes it to a whole new level.  It's still there in your early-twenties as girls claim their turf and cling to their boyfriends.  It's still there in your mid-twenties as you go through the dreaded wedding season when every weekend is booked with yet another freaking wedding.  And it is still there in your early thirties as kids start to enter the picture.  And don't forget about those co-workers.  That's where the drama could happen on a daily basis because you spend so much time there.

But to find a good friend.  A friend that you know has your back and will listen to your random rambling rants.  A friend that you can be yourself with.  Count yourself very lucky.  And if you have more than one of these lucky ladies you are truly blessed!

But what to do with the other ones?  The ones that only pop up when they need something?  The ones that you love but never get to see?  The frenimies?  What do you do with those friendships?  Accept them for what they are?  Know your boundaries with them?  Love them regardless?  Cut them out of your life?

What if you are that friend?  The bad friend?  What then?

Just trying to get some general thoughts and opinions on female friendships of all kind.  Please share your experiences!!


Aisha said...

It's interesting because just recently I was thinking about a friend who's no longer a friend and a new friend who has been so much like a sister it's scary. I used to be one of those girls who never had any female friends because I couldn't take the cattyness, but latley i've realized that a woman needs atleast a few women friends in her life, it helps to balance things out & there are just somethings that you can't discuss with a guy. My advice when it comes to friendships regardless of gender: Quality over quantity all day everyday!Great post by the way.

Ms. Morgan said...

I have to disagree. I have never experienced the sense of competition or (what media calls) cattiness with women. Maybe it's just me though. Maybe they are secretly feeling this and I'm just completely unaware. (??)

I work in an office of 5 - 4 of us are women. No issues there. We all get along great (including the 1 male) and are a smooth running machine.

In elementary, middle and high school my friends were equally split between boys and girls. Yes there were times when girls might crush on the same boy but our friendship always meant more than who got what boy.

In college I met some of the strongest, beautiful women and they are my life long soul mates.

I consider myself lucky in having six "BFFs" and two of them are men. We can all get together and laugh until we pee our pants. Competition in who is married, who has kids, etc doesn't get in the way of our friendships.

Yes, I am single and no kids. Yes, I have moments where I wish my life was different and I had these. But I never feel that the gender/sex or relationship/child status.

But like I said maybe I'm just lucky.

quarter-life lady. said...

Girls can be hard. I recently had two friendships end over the past year and it was so incredibly difficult. I felt justified in my actions, as they did theirs. I wasn't being the most mature about everything, but my feelings were hurt over some things.

Thankfully, both of those friendships have been restored. Not to the states they were in before, but I am happy with where they're at. Time allows things to progress as they need to and these friendships are no exception. I think that's the perspective to have when approaching relationships with other gals. Sometimes you do have to cut people out of your life...and you feel drawn to healthier situations...but that doesn't mean you'll feel that way forever. And that's totally okay. Whatever decisions you have to make to feel healthy and happy are completely okay. There's no science to this, you know?

I hope you figure something out soon...something you feel good about!

Kristine said...

Honestly, I cut any out of my life that doesn't bring anything good to it. I don't have frenimies because I think that's fake. I won't be mean to someone or purposely make them feel uncomfortable, but if I cannot trust them or know they are more harm than good, I simply keep my distance.

That quality has its ups and downs. My social circle is very small but I know who I can trust.

T's Mama said...

My girlfriends are so important to me and yes, are very hard to find. Mainly because they are (and should be considered) serious relationships and there's gotta be give and take on both sides. Not everyone is going to be BFF's. But it is sad that in all the circle of friends that I have, there are always 2 that don't really get along (or as they say, the ol' frenimies). I've been lucky to have only had one bad girlfriend break-up, and it's sad to say that most of these "break-ups" are usually just due to poor communication.

Elizabeth said...

Nice your header.


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