Valentine's Day guest post

I'm boycotting Valentine's Day, but I know some of you may not be, so I got a great guest blogger to bring you some Valentine's Day entertainment:

Hi, I’m Martin and I’ve been writing rhyming birthday and love poetry for a few years now. Most of these poems are very sweet (corny) and overly sentimental. However, there are a few gems that won’t bore you to death and are actually quite funny (pure bias).

Since it's Valentine’s Day, here’s two funny love poems that will hopefully make you laugh.

Disease
Some call love a grave disease,
Comes and goes, like a morning breeze.
To attain it, use your knees,
A shiny diamond and a please.
Few years later it smells like cheese,
To keep it fresh, you try to freeze.
Bills and payments, so many keys,
Love has mastered, the wallet squeeze.

Here’s an example of a more realistic date, it’s definitely not from a romance novel:

Hungry Love
A little surprise and delicious meal,
Tried my best, to conceal.
I know your very favourite taste,
At the farm, I was chased.
The scented candle, has been lit,
To hide the odour, from my pit.
But don’t you worry, it is fine,
All you need is a bit more wine.
This love of ours, is very hot,
Food in the oven, I forgot.
I am sorry, the food is burnt,
For next time, I have learnt.

Here’s one of my favourite birthday poems

Your Zoo

A birthday should always be a joyous occasion,
Family and friends; obvious invasion.
Duplicate gifts, you don’t even like,
If you complain, might get a strike.

One simple day, placed on display,
Carefully observed, for signs of decay.
Dishonest smiles, they don’t mingle in truth,
As if you were the only, losing your youth.

At such a wise age, everything seems so clear,
Excuse to celebrate, they all came for beer.
Deep down inside, you know that they care,
Your Zoo is unique, normal is rare.