Wednesday, December 1, 2010

One Word: Faith

I’ve joined Reverb 10, an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.  Each day, we get a new prompt and post a blog sharing what the prompt means to us.  You should join in too!

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)


“To take the first step in faith, you don’t have to see the whole staircase: just take the first step.” 
-Martin Luther King Jr.

My life now is very different from when I started this year.   I have a different job.  I have traveled to a different country.  The person I used to talk to everyday, I no longer speak to.  I was stressed and broke and now I am stressed (but in a good way) and not so broke.  I probably couldn’t run a mile or lift more than 20 lbs.  But now I am stronger from weekly weight lifting and am running 3.1 miles this Saturday.  It has been quite a year.

But the most defining theme for me this year has been faith.  I was in no position financially to sign up for a mission trip last January, but I had faith that God would provide a way and He did!  (A lot of it thanks to you readers!  I am still so shocked and humbled by the generosity, love, and faith you guys have!).  And I got to experience God half a world away, saw a different culture and country, overcame my fear of the middle seat and long distance flying, got to get to know some really awesome kids, broke down some of my missionary and middle east stereotypes, and bonded with some awesome members of my church.

Last year I was so broke.  It was worse than paycheck to paycheck kind of broke.  It was to the point of “I’ve cut almost everything that is not an absolute need from my life” kind of broke.  I was so stressed and depressed about it.  I loved my job, but it just did not pay enough to cover the bills.  I didn’t want to leave, but I knew something had to change.  Now I have a job I really, really like.  It is hard for me to admit when I am in love, but I think I might love this job.  Monday we had free massages and smoothies at work!  How cool is that?!  It is stressful and a lot of work, but it is also fun, challenging, and satisfying.  And it literally dropped out of the sky.  I had not applied to this job.  I randomly got a call about it on a Tuesday and less than a week later I had the job!  From being miserable at a job, to being laid off, to being broke, to being happy…it’s been quite a journey over the last 2 years and the whole time I had to have faith that I was right where God wanted me to be.  And now He has put me here and I love it!

But it all hasn’t been good.  The one area my faith has really been tested is in the romance department.  So much so that I have given up on dating for now.  I have been so disappointed in this department.  I used to believe so much in true love and that I would find my prince charming.  But the experiences I have had with guys over the last 12 years have beaten all the hope out of me.  I want it to come back.  I want to believe that God, knowing how important this is to me, would not abandon me in this area, but right now I don’t.  I hope it comes back.  I hope I believe in love again.  I hope I can trust again.  I hope I can have faith that God hears my prayers for a husband and family again.  But it is going to take some time.

The word that I hope encompasses 2011 for me is Unexpected.  I need some surprises.  I need to experience some out-of-the-ordinary events to remind me there are things I don’t know yet about this world and life.

What would be your word for 2010?


Sam said...

Great words! I'm so happy for you having a job you really like and becoming more financially stable. I'm with you in the guy department.

I hope your 2011 is full of surprises!

CJR said...

What a wonderful thing to participate in! You've inspired me to join up. And I love that you have had faith through some tough times. But isn't it wonderful how God always brings you through tough times and into something more wonderful than you thought? I anticipate much "unexpected" greatness for you in the year ahead!

Jane said...

I love this post Suz!

I will definitely be looking into Reverb 10. Even if I don't blog about it, I think the introspection on the past year as well as on the coming year would be extremely beneficial.

Your blog has always been such an inspiration to me. I have found throughout my life that at the moments when I have lost faith in something, whatever it may be, it helps to know that there are others in my life who have that faith for me. I have faith that you will believe in love again, and that you will be able to trust at a depth beyond what you could have ever possibly imagined. I have faith when the time is right, God will bring the husband into your life that you have been hoping and praying for, and you will be able to start the family you dream of.

Here's to a 2011 full of the unexpected! :-)