Sunday Snippets- Forgiveness

The last 10 days have been hard for me.  First I was hurt by some people really close to me and then over the last week I've been hurt by someone new but significant in my life (no it's not a boy).  In both circumstances I don't think the hurt was intentional, but that doesn't lessen the effect.

I realized it had been a long time since I had been really hurt.  And I had forgotten how hard forgiveness can be! 

I've learned when I am hurt my most natural response is to run.  To end the relationship, get out of the situation, avoid ever letting it happen again.  I hold a grudge.  I want them to feel hurt too. But mainly I just want to run away from it.  

But you know what happens when you run?  YOU LOSE.  You  lose the relationship.  You have to carry that hurt even when the relationship is gone and you have the additional hurt of losing the relationship (if it was a good one).

You know what happens when you hold a grudge?  YOU LOSE.  Even if the relationship stays in tact, it will never be the same.  You will carry around the hurt and you will be quick to bring it back up.  You will add every hurt together until eventually you won't be able to maintain the relationship.

You know what happens when you hurt them back?  YOU LOSE.  Even though you may feel an initial satisfaction from your revenge, in the end it doesn't feel good to hurt someone (or at least it shouldn't).  I wonder how this dentist who pulled out all her ex boyfriend's teeth will feel when she's sitting in a jail cell? Although I did have to chuckle at the story because boy did she get him back for dumping her!

Forgiveness is freaking hard, but it is the only way you win.

I have been thankful for these experiences to remind me how hard forgiveness is.  It reminds me that one of the blessings of singleness is that you aren't in a position to have to forgive as often.  And more importantly it makes me even more aware of the weight of the forgiveness God shows me everyday.  Now when I pray "Please forgive me for..." I will be much more aware of what that means.  And how can I expect God to forgive me if I can't forgive others?

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too." - Mark 11:25

Pinterest Inspired Wednesday- Nails (again)...also what to give up for Lent?

I am a little obsessed with nail polish at the moment.  I just realized I bought 5 new nail polishes in one month!

Anyway, here is the pin that inspired me last week:

Source: parkavenueprincess.tumblr.com via ncsuz on Pinterest

Since it was Valentine's day last week, I decided to do white shatter over red polish.  Here is how it turned out:

It was a little funky, but I really liked it!  And I got a lot of compliments on it!  And it actually lasted a little longer than my normal polish jobs.  So I'd call that another success!  Thanks Pinterest for the inspiration!

On another note today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.  I love this season because it always ends up deepening my relationship with God and teaches me so much about myself.  In the past I have given up fast food, sodas, and last year I gave up cigarettes (I ended up giving them up for good not just for Lent!  YAY!)


This year I have decided to give up complaining.  The other contenders were to give up cursing, sweets, or my daily diet coke.  Ultimately I decided on complaining because it is something I do enjoy doing so I would be depraving myself of something I like.  Also one of the fruits of the spirit that I feel like I am greatly lacking in sometimes is joy.  I want to be a more joyful person.  It is going to be hard.  And it's not as easy to measure.  What is considered complaining and what is constructive criticism?  With cursing, sweets, or diet coke it would have been easier to tell when/if I "fail".  But with complaining sometimes it isn't so black and white.  In fact am I complaining right now??  Maybe I should just give up speaking in general!  I'll stop now before I get myself in trouble.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Sunday Snippets- I am Jonah

We started a new sermon series at church this week on the book of Jonah.  It's another one of those stories you kind of sort of know from Sunday School maybe.  Or Pinocchio.  Or is that just me?

Anyway the sermon this week was FANTASTIC.  They don't have it posted yet, but when they do post it, you can find it here and I highly recommend it.

I took two pages of notes, but here are just a few snippets:

• Rebellion is simply saying NO to God. What area of your life are you saying NO to God in?

• There will always be a ship to Tarshish.  Or in other words, if you are ever even thinking about disobeying or saying no to God, the devil will always make it easy for you because that is exactly what he wants.  

• What if your enemy is laying a trap for you?

• That "peace in your heart" you had over a situation you know is wrong, but you are doing it anyway could be Satan numbing your conscience.

• It starts with small acts of disobedience and goes down to total devastation (this is so true!)

• God sends storms to break His people from self-reliance.

• Jonah is willing to obey God UNTIL it costs him the things he loves and/or fears most.

• Real obedience is when you would give up EVERYTHING to maintain your relationship with HIM.

• He even referenced Daniel when Shadrac, Mishac, and Obedigo (I probably massacred their names) went in to the fiery furnace.  His question to us was- Would you rather be in the flames with God or out of the flames without God????

• The storm is not God's retribution, it's God's restoration.  In other words He didn't send the storm to pay him back, he sent the storm to bring him back.

I am telling you.  You should go listen to is if you get a chance this week.  Just look for the one about Jonah.  It should pop up tomorrow sometime.

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend and were able to spend time with the Lord.  Between this awesome sermon and the Daniel study and a few little things going on, I felt God talking to me all over the place.

If you are looking for a church in the Triangle area, I highly recommend coming to visit during this series.  If last night was any indication of what God is about the teach me...it is going to be awesome.

And if you want to follow along even more, there are lots of study guide resources HERE.

Defining Character: Guilty

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

I have been wrecked this week.  I burst into tears at random times.  I have been battling my thoughts.  I have no appetite (apparently bone crushing guilt is the only thing that makes me not want to eat.)

One thing I did not address in self-control September that I now know I need to is alcohol.

I don't drink that much.  I might have a few drinks when I go out with friends sometimes, but I don't go out drinking every weekend. 

But because of this, I don't have much of a tolerance. And when an event rolls around and I drink like I did in college it is bad news bears.

Once in college I completely lost an entire night.  I woke up with scrapes on my feet and stories of how I had made out with some guy named Moose the night before.

And it's all funny and something to laugh at when you are 21 (or maybe 19...shhh) but the thing is it's not.

I didn't tell you guys this but a few months ago I woke up on the floor of my boss's bathroom after we went speed-dating, remembering nothing from the night before.  My boss filled me in on some of the details, one of which was that I ended up making out with one of the speed daters (who I ironically never saw or heard from again...until the next time I went speed dating.  That's right I had to sit there for 5 minutes making awkward conversation with this guy I had no recollection of making out with. Talk about awkward!  I will never go speed dating again).

After that night on the floor of my boss's bathroom, I spent the entire next day throwing up.  I was throwing up every 15 minutes until 7 pm when I finally gave in and went to urgent care.

I knew I needed to go to urgent care because this had happened once before a few years ago.  (are you detecting a pattern here?)  At urgent care they gave me a shot of anti-nasea medicine and 2 bags of IV fluid (I think I had 3 bags the first time this happened!)

Anyway, you think this would have been my wake up call right?  I mean who knows what could have happened!  I could have been fired!

And I did slow down on the drinking...for a while.

But fast forward to this weekend.  I don't remember much from Saturday night.  The last thing I remember is watching people play flip cup and talking about tattoos with some friends in the hallway.  Everything else is gone.  And I don't mean that fuzzy gone.  Like it comes back to you once someone starts telling you what happened because TRUST ME I so wish I could know how and why what happened happened.

Sunday morning I woke up on the couch at a friend's house still in my Halloween costume.  After a few minutes of chit chat (in which I'm sure my friend concluded I had no idea what happend) she finally dropped the bomb on me.

Apparently I made out with a married guy and his wife walked in on us.  And these were not strangers, these were friends!

I had always felt safe indulging in alcohol around my friends because I always thought they would stop me from doing anything bad and they would be able to laugh with me the next day at any crazy antics.  And this has always been the case.

Unfortunately it only takes an instant to make a bad decision.  One that will hurt a friend, erode any kind of trustworthiness you had, and have everyone (including yourself) wondering how you could do something like that.

Nothing will ever be the same.  I feel like I have lost my friends.  No one will ever look at me the same way.  I will never look at me the same way. I don't even know if I can face any of them again.  I can barely face myself everyday.

I am someone who I never thought I'd be.  I didn't think I was even capable of something like this.  I never wanted to ever hurt anyone like this, let alone someone I actually like.

I even feel guilty for feeling this bad because I wasn't the one hurt in all this.  I was the hurter. 

I thought "what if that is who I really am?!  the truth comes out when you are drunk."

I thought about Josh (Monday is the 14th anniversary of his death) and how he deserved this life so much more than me.

I thought "what if this is preparing my heart for forgiveness because my future husband is going to cheat on me.

I thought what if this is a sign of how undeserving and unprepared I am for a husband and I will never be.

I mean I can not even tell you where my thoughts have taken me through all of this....

It is one of the biggest internal battles I have ever faced. 

I want to run to God.  I have cried out to Him and asked for forgiveness and I know He forgives me and loves me. But I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself and accepting His forgiveness.

I was afraid to post here because my mom reads this. I asked my friend "what if your daughter grew up and did something like this!?"  And she said "I would love her still, always, unconditionally."  And I know this is true.  Not just for my mom, but also for God.  But still the guilt of how I have shocked everyone and let everyone down is crippling. 

I am one of those hypocritical Christians that ruins Christianity.  I am one of those slutty girls I hate.  I am one of those characters everyone hates in books and movies.

But somehow I know God is bigger than this.  This can be overcome too. 

Someone reminded me of David.  It was one of the most shocking stories in the Bible for me when David sleeps with his neighbor, gets her pregnant, and then has her husband killed.  How could David do something like that!?!  But God still loved him and did great things through his life. 

It's going to take time and a lot of prayer.  I know a lot of things have been permanently damaged through this, but I will not let it destroy my relationship with God. 

And I must learn a lesson from this.  I don't think I am an alcoholic, but I obviously have a problem with self-control when it comes to alcohol. 

I was so sad at the thought of giving it up completely.  I love drinking with my friends and didn't want to lose that (although I probably have anyway). But it is deeper than that too.  I've always known the Bible warns against drunkenness, but I always reasoned it away saying Jesus turned water into wine and it's ok to have fun, it is what he would want for us!  But it is just another example of me wanting my own way, not His.

Then last night I had to go to a party for work.  I got there and saw no one I knew.  I felt so awkward.  I had these drink tickets in my hand and I kept staring at them.  Finally I decided I needed a drink.  I got a light beer even though it was full open bar.  I have learned liquor is not my friend.  I sipped on the beer throughout the night.  All my work friends were trying to get more drink tickets and asking me to go downtown with them (including the upper-ups who I hardly ever get to see and this could have been good bonding time!)  But I resisted.  I told them I couldn't, gave away my extra drink tickets and went home and ran 4 miles (yes, sometimes it helps to literally run from your problems.)

There is so much more to this story and what I have been going through, but I can't share all of it here.  I know it is going to take time to work through this and understand completely why it happened.  For now I am just taking it day by day and wanted to let you know why it may be quiet on this little blog of mine for a while.

Let there be tears for what you have done.
Let there be sorrow and deep grief.
Let there be sadness instead of laughter,
and gloom instead of joy.
Humble yourselves before the Lord,
and He will lift you up in honor.

James 4:9-10

Defining Character- Self-Control

Self-Discipline- the act of disciplining or power to discipline one's own feelings, desires, etc., esp with the intention of improving oneself

Self-Control- the ability to exercise restraint or control over one's feelings, emotions, reactions, etc.

Last month I declared the month "Self Control September".  Looking at the definitions above I should have named it Self-Discipline September, but I think they are pretty interchangeable.  Of all the fruits of the Spirit, self-control was definitely my weakest.  In fact I have even blogged about trying to get better with self-control/self-discipline here, here, and here. And I just remember my pastor JD saying in one of his sermons that you are only as strong as your weakest spirit.  So I am continually trying to work on this area of my life.

So what did I do to focus on my self-control in September?

1. I gave up soda (diet and regular) for the month of September.  I didn't drink a lot of soda anyway, but I would usually have a diet Mt. Dew, diet Dr. Pepper, or diet Coke just about every day.  All those chemicals can't be good for you (even if they are calorie free).  I did pretty good.  I had a cherry limeade that I think had Sprite in it, but other than that, no sodas.  Since the month has ended, I have kind of limited myself to just one mini (7.5 oz) soda/day.  I do notice that I get more headaches, but I also feel less bloated when I am not drinking soda.  I hope to keep them to a minimum from now on!

2. I had a virtual fitness partner!  I don't know what I would have done without Amber this month!  Each week we would send each other a summary of how we did the previous week as far as eating and working out.  At first I wasn't tracking my calories, but Amber was and she inspired me to get back on the bandwagon with that.  I thought I was eating pretty well, but it is different when you are tracking everything you eat!  I would often think before eating or skipping a work-out how this would look on my weekly report to her and it kept me from making some bad decisions.  I took this week off from counting calories and my 10K training program because I needed a break, but I hope we can continue our weekly reports because they have really helped me stay on track!  P.S. Go check out her blog!  It is one of my faves!


3. I started a 10K training program similar to the couch 2 5K program.  I'm up to week 6 and it is tough.  I'm up to over 4 miles/run and try to get all 3 runs in each week.  I think this helped me a lot too because I didn't want to get behind on the training program, so I would force myself to run on days even when I didn't want to.  I took this week off, but I had my 5K on Saturday and finally came in under 35 min!  My previous PR was 36:58 and I ran this one in 34:47!  I know it is still so slow, but hey it is an improvement!  Maybe one day I will break that 30 min. mark!

4. I've been using this app called "Home Routines" to stay on top of things around the house.  I have a morning checklist and an evening checklist and then a weekly checklist.  Here they are:

Morning:
- Breakfast
- 15 minute focus/devotional
- Let dog out
- water animals
- get fresh and clean
- make bed

Evening:
- Feed cat and dog
- Collect dirty laundry
- put away clean laundry
- shine sink (put everything in dishwasher and clean out sink)
- wipe down kitchen
- sweep floor
- run
- 100 sit ups
- swish and swipe bathroom
- take out contacts
- brush teeth
- pray

Weekly:
- Vacuum
- Mop
- Clean bathrooms
- Dust
- Brush Cam
- Go through mail basket
- Switch out towels (in bathrooms and kitchen)
- clean make up brushes
- clean out litter box

I didn't always mark off everything everyday/every week, but I aimed to get 90% marked off. 

5. Re-do budget.  I switched jobs this month.  I am still doing the same job, but I am a permanent employee instead of a contractor.  I used to get paid weekly, now I get paid twice/month.  I used to pay for my own health insurance and had no 401K, but now I have benefits through them and a 401K, so I had to re-do my budget.  I got my first paycheck this weekend, and I had to adjust my estimates a little (taxes are freaking outrageous!) but now I have my budget nailed down.  I am still doing envelope budgeting and I love being able to see where all my money is going.  Expect a whole post about budgeting later this week!

So there you have it.  I think self-control September was a success!

Defining Character: Self Control

I have a problem when it comes to self-control. I suck at it.

I was doing pretty well with keeping my shopping under control when I was doing my envelope budgeting.  But I took the month of August off because I got a bonus and was doing a lot of upgrades to my house, and well now I need to stop the bleeding.  I have shopped more in the last month than I had in the previous 6 months!  I am going back to envelope budgeting this month and sticking to it!

When it comes to shopping I am also a sucker for sales.  Just look what I bought at the Borders going out of business sale yesterday!

Granted I got 8 books and 2 audio books for about $40 which is really good!  But do I really need all those books?  And I am contemplating going back today to buy the Twilight box set because it is half price!  Someone please take my wallet away!

Another area I need to get under control is my diet.  I think I might have an addiction to sugar.  Or maybe just all food in general.  I try.  I try to track my calories and I will do good for a few weeks and then it all goes to crap.  Usually when I am traveling I have a hard time sticking to a good eating plan and since there was a lot of traveling this month, the diet AND exercise plans have been pretty much non-existent.  I still go to the gym here and there (I even went on Saturday in the middle of the hurricane!), but it is not consistent. 

So for the month of September I am going to give up DIET SODAS.  I usually drink at least one Diet Mountain Dew or Diet Dr. Pepper per day.  But no more.  I am going to give them up.  All those chemicals can't be good for you even if there are no calories.  Hopefully this will help me get my cravings a little more under control.  And I find when I can show complete control in one area it often spills over into other areas.

I'm also going to start the "Ease into 10K" training plan on my iphone this week.  I loved the Couch 2 5K app and this is similar but for 10k distance.  I'm going to do an 8k in November, so I figured this would be a good program to start to prepare for that.  And I think I'm going to give the Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 DVD a go again.  Hopefully this time I will make it past week 2!

One thing I have been able to give up for good is smoking.  Since I quit back on March 9, I have had only one full cigarette and one puff.  The full cigarette was back in July at a party and it wasn't even that good.  I couldn't even smoke the whole thing.  I had a puff from one earlier this month and it was nice, but I am not even going to think about starting that nasty habit again.  I still get a craving for one sometimes, but I never ever want to be a smoker again, so I just push the craving away and move on.  I feel so much more free since giving up cigarettes! 

Now I just need to apply that self-control to other areas of my life!

I am officially declaring the month of September- Self-Controlled September.  I am going to focus this month on my self-discipline.  I am going to start healthy habits and stop unhealthy ones.  I WILL DO THIS!  and you guys better hold me to it!

What do you have a hard time showing self-control with?  Any tips for improving my self-control?  Any other suggestions for Self-Control September?  I'll keep you updated on my progress.

Sunday Snippets

This weekend I decided to try out church on Saturday night. I went to the 4:15 pm service and it was nice because I still had my whole Saturday night to enjoy and it put me in the right mind-frame to make good decisions for the night.  We had a Christian rapper- Shai Linne- at church this weekend.  I thought it was just something they did on Saturday night to be cool, but apparently he performed Sunday morning too.  It wasn't cheesy at all.  I really enjoyed it actually.  Here's a little sample I found on YouTube of his stuff:



We are doing a study on abiding in the Gospel- how if you are constantly reminding yourself of what God has done for you, your attitudes and actions will naturally change.  Our pastor often refers to it as organic change vs. mechanical change.  What does abiding in the gospel look like?  Well our study says it looks like a wheel:

The Gospel is at the center of the wheel.  When you are constantly reminding yourself of what Jesus did for you these things will naturally flow out of that forming the "spokes" of the wheel:
1. Prayer & Bible Study
2. Character
3. Community
4. Evangelism & Missions
5. Generosity

Last week the sermon was on Prayer and Bible Study.  I am not very strong in these areas, but I am getting better.  One of the questions from the study on this that got to me was:

What does your schedule/calendar reveal to be most important to you right now?

I don't have a scheduled time for God every day.  I will say short prayers throughout the day as I think about things, but I don't schedule time with God except for my weekly small group and church.  If someone looked at my calendar what would the most important thing in my life be?  Right now, if you took out work which takes up the biggest chunk of time, it would sadly be reality TV- Big Brother and Bachelor Pad have got me hooked!

This week the sermon was about character.  We looked at Galatians 5:16-26 which compares the fruit from 2 different trees- fruits of the flesh and fruits of the spirit.  I'm a very visual person so I drew a picture in my notes:

Basically what does my life look like every day?  Is it full of greed, envy, gossip, anger, etc. or is it full of love, joy, peace, patience, etc.?  Sadly it is probably the first one on most days.

In relation to this topic...Earlier this week someone asked me if any of my co-workers were Christians.  Honestly I have no idea.  If I can't tell if they are Christians how can someone tell I'm a Christian?  Can people tell from the way I am that I am a Christian?  Shouldn't they be able to?  I don't want someone to have to ask me if I am a Christian or see a cross around my neck to know that I am a Christian I want them to be able to tell from my actions.  And not out of some duty or obligation.  I want them to know I belong to Christ because I love Him.  But I don't want them to think of me as some religious, judgmental person.  And then another part of me doesn't even care at all what others think of me because I already know what God thinks of me and that's all that matters.

Faith seems so secretive nowadays.  I mean you're never supposed to talk about politics or religion right?  But aren't those some of the most important things to discuss??  I must confess I even feel bad writing these Sunday Snippets like I'm being preachy or offending someone or something.  But I'm just a girl that loves God and is finding and defining my faith.  Why can't I share that with others without feeling guilty?

Maybe I should bring back my defining character series?

There's a sneak peek inside my brain for today...no real conclusions, just lots of questions.  And you know what? it's ok to have lots of questions.  i find i always do the most maturing when i am full of questions.
 

Defining Character: Making Wise Choices & Trusting Fate

Have you ever thought about the choices you’ve made in your life so far and how they have got you to where you are now?  Life is nothing but a big series of choices we must make and those choices lead us down one path or another.  Sometimes we make choices without even thinking about it.  Sometimes we stress and stress over a choice that needs to be made.  Sometimes it seems as if a choice has been made for us and we have no say.  But in the end, your life is determined by the choices you make everyday.

I often wonder about the concept of fate and pre-destination vs. free will and how much each one plays a role in where I end up in my life.  Sometimes I think even if I make the wrong choice, somehow I will still end up where I need to be, it will just be a much more difficult or different road I take to get there.

That’s why I try not to stress out about my choices anymore.  I know who I am and I trust my decision making ability.  I don’t think I’m infallible.  I know I will make mistakes sometimes, but I trust that no matter what, I am going to end up where I am meant to be.  I spend lots of time reading, studying, and learning about a variety of topics and issues so I feel like I will almost always make informed decisions. 

I don’t “follow my heart”.  Following your heart without taking in to account what you know in your head can lead you down very bad roads sometimes.  I take in to account what my heart is feeling, but I don’t blindly follow my heart.

I am trying to trust my gut in most instances though.  I really think women especially have a keen gut instinct that is usually a good guide.  Maybe it is the momma bear protection that is built in to us.  We can often tell when something is off.  Usually it is when we ignore our gut instincts that we end up in trouble.

I think God is ultimately in control of where I end up in my life (He controls my “fate”), but I know choices are important and a deciding factor in the type of journey I have!

If I would have chosen a different college, I would have never met most of the friends I have today.

If I would have chosen to not move to Raleigh, I would never had the jobs I’ve had, the house I live in, and the life I have now.

If I would have chosen to not get a dog a few years ago, I would never have Cam- my LOVE!

If I would have chosen to break up with the long timer earlier while I was still in college, I could have met and dated a lot more guys…but would that mean I would've had more heartbreak or less?

Try not to look back too much because then you will start to play the “what if” game.  And what's done is done, you can't change that.  I just try to trust that no matter what choice I make I will somehow end up where I am meant to be.  It’s just a matter of how difficult, exciting, painful, joyful, interesting, or easy I want to that journey to be.

Here are some great quotes about choices and fate:

“Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with; and, the laws you choose to obey” ~Charles Millhuff

“We need to teach the next generation of children from Day One that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind's greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.” ~Gary Collins

“Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviors demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to in life?”

“Your intelligence is measured by those around you; if you spend your days with idiots you seal your own fate.”

“Each man is the architect of his own fate.” ~Appius Claudius

“The fates lead him who will - him who won't they drag.” ~Seneca

“There are no little events in life, those we think of no consequence may be full of fate, and it is at our own risk if we neglect the acquaintances and opportunities that seem to be casually offered, and of small importance.” ~Amelia E. Barr

What do you guys think of the issue of fate vs. free will (choice)?

What are you giving up?

Today is Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent. What is Lent you ask? It is a traditional 40 day period of fasting, praying, and penitence before Easter. I didn’t know much about Lent growing up, and the church I go to now does not observe Lent, but I am. The reason I am observing it is because:

a) I think it is good to give up something important to you sometimes. It helps you see how dependent you are on that thing and that despite that you can live without it.
b) It helps me get ready for Easter. Normally Easter just kind of sneaks up on me because it is different every year. Observing Lent helps me remember how big of a deal Easter is. It helps me remember the suffering Jesus endured. It helps me remember God’s gift to me.

Side Note: Funny story about Ash Wednesday- A few years ago I was working in Greenville and had a meeting with my boss one Wednesday. When I walked into her office, I noticed she had a black smudge on her forehead. It looked like she had wiped her forehead after getting ink from a printer on her hand. As she sat there talking to me, I could not think about anything but that smudge. I kept wondering if I should say something. Finally before I left her office I said “I think you have something on your forehead.” She responded “Is nobody in the South Catholic?!” I was so confused. She explained to me that it was Ash Wednesday. (I later found out Catholics burn the palm leaves from last year’s Palm Sunday and the priest makes a cross on their forehead with the ash.) This is still to this day the second most embarrassing moment I have had with a boss. (Maybe one day I will tell you the first.)

Last year I gave up fast food. This year I decided to give up sweets. I had it in my mind because I love sweets. It is one of my weaknesses. I had some peanut M&Ms yesterday to try to get my last sweet tooth fix. Today when I come into the office there are 3 huge apples from The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. If you had never had these heavenly things, you need to. I LOVE them. They are like caramel apples, but they have all these different flavors like Apple Pie, Butterfinger, Smores, Monster Mix, etc. They are seriously so good. I tried for about an hour to resist, but I failed. I ate a slice and decided I was not ready to give up sweets. I hate failures, but at least they always teach you something. I seriously have issues with me relationship with food and need to get that worked out.

Anyway, now I had to come up with something else to give up. I thought about giving up TV, but I have already cut back to only like 5 hours of TV a week and that was a big decrease and I didn’t want to give it up completely. I read on a blog somewhere that this guy gave up CDs and radio in his car. Just complete silence. I thought that was a good idea. I tried it out at lunch and seriously it makes a huge difference. Even just on that short trip I reached to turn up the volume on the radio after I got off the phone and then realized I had it turned off. Without that distraction, your mind has to do something. I am going to use that time to think and pray.

The only exception is I might buy an educational book on CD. As much as I love to read, I have so many fiction books on my to-read list that I never have time for the educational books. Now my driving time will be devoted to thinking, praying, and learning instead of just being wasted time.

I will also be suffering because I love music. (Part of the whole point of Lent is to remember the suffering Jesus had to endure for us.) Music gets me pumped up or calms me down depending on the song. I love listening to my favorite radio show in the mornings because they are hilarious and I get a chance to catch up on my Hollywood gossip. I am hoping missing my music will motivate me to run more because that is the only other time I get to listen to music.

Do you celebrate Lent? If so what are you giving up? If not, have you ever given up something important to you or that had become a part of your daily routine?

Defining Character- Accepting Criticism

I got a comment on one of my last blog posts criticizing me for my spending habits and how I slammed those who send picture Christmas cards. It really bothered me. I was angry and shocked and didn’t know how to respond. It’s hard hearing criticism. The first reaction I often have is to defend myself. Even if I know what the other person is saying is true, I want to explain why I have fallen short of their expectations and give a long list of excuses to justify my behavior.

But that never gets me anywhere. I don’t want to use the word “sin” because that sounds so ugly and ultra-religious, but that is what it is. Every way I fall short in life can be traced back to sin (aka a deep seeded issue in myself that causes me to act destructively to myself and/or others). Call it what you want- sin, vice, problem, issue…it’s all the same. Confessing my sin is the first step to overcoming it.

What do I struggle with constantly?

Envy- This is the one that usually leads to overspending and self esteem issues. I see someone else with something shiny and new and I want to have it. I hear about a competition and I have to win it. I envy other people and I want other people to envy me. This is what leads to spending lots of time and money on my Christmas decorations. This is what makes me want to buy a new house. This is why I hate Victoria Secret models. This is part of the reason I hate picture Christmas cards- because I envy that person and their perfect little family. It’s an evil that creeps up on me everyday and I just have to shift my mind to think about things in a different way to shake that green eyed monster off my back.

Gluttony- I think about food a lot. I’m not just one of those people who can eat the same tasteless thing everyday. I have cravings and sometimes I like to indulge those cravings. When there is chocolate or cookies in the office, it is hard for me to say no. When I am craving a cheeseburger, even if I put it off for weeks, I will eventually cave and have to get one. I've wasted a whole lunch hour before because I just couldn't decide what to eat. I let food control me sometimes instead of me having control over the food. It’s a blessing and curse- this wonderful tasting food. And it’s one of the hardest things to overcome because you have to eat to live, so why not enjoy it? It’s all about finding a balance and it's a constant challenge for me.

Sloth- I am lazy. I hate to clean. I put off exercising. I get distracted easily. When I get home from work (especially in the winter) I just want to cuddle up on the couch and watch mindless TV sometimes. I have spent entire Saturdays in my PJs never leaving the house. I try to overcome this with lists (like my 30 Before 30) because that motivates me. But that doesn’t stop me from procrastinating either.

As to what the next steps are in overcoming these things, I really can’t say for certain. I know that I need God’s help and it isn’t something that will happen overnight.

The good thing is that we are all in this together. Everyone has something they struggle with. No one is perfect and if you think you are, then you are in denial. You may not have the same struggles I do, but everyone falls short in some way. Realizing that is what helps keep me humble and understanding of others. All I ask for is the same forgiveness and understanding from others.

But I have to remind myself understanding and forgiveness is not acceptance. I can’t just confess my sins and then keep on doing them and never change. Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It would be like a murderer who confesses, asks for forgiveness, but then goes out and does it again. It’s an extreme example, but it’s basically the same thing. I can't just accept my shortcomings and expect others to as well.

So even though it’s not easy to hear, I am thankful for the criticism. It’s like medicine on a cut- it stings, but in the end, it helps.

Read This!

The Broker in Charge at our Re/Max office bought a bunch of copies of this book for the office. It was mainly her team reading it, but since the books were free I thought I would pick one up. They have an office meeting every Tuesday and they were going to discuss the first 100 pages of the book today, so last night I read 110 pages.

I am telling you, go get a copy of this book. It is an inspirational book wrapped up in a fictional story which makes it VERY easy to read and it has some REALLY great points.



The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews

Only a few months ago, he was a successful executive. Now he's a desperate man. But a divine adventure is about to unfold. Join David Ponder on an incredible journey that will help you discover the Seven Decisions for Success.

Go get it...read it quick...and come back here to tell me what you think!

But if you decide to read the book, read it quick because I am going to review it and discuss the whole thing (with spoilers) when I am finished. So if you are too lazy to get up and read the book, you can get the review here soon. But seriously, don't be lazy...go read the book!

Defining Character: The Proverbs 31 woman

For the next few weeks in Bible study we are going to be focusing on femininity in the Bible. Of course one of the first things we started with (after establishing that men and women were created equally, we all just have different, but equally important roles) was Proverbs 31. This is a much noted passage that I had read before. It is basically a part of a letter that a King is writing to his son and the Proverbs 31 passage comes from the King's Mother. She describes what a wife of noble character looks like.

Now I am telling you that I had a bad day when I sat down to do this study which probably skewed my thoughts on it. We were asked to list the capabilities of this woman and I wrote "cook, sew, teach" None of which I can do well. And I was starting to think this describes your typical stay-at-home mom...what does this have to do with me? A single woman with no prospect of having a husband or kids anytime soon.

But through discussion tonight I learned I was not looking closely enough. The woman described can also dress well, is a planner, is very business savvy, invests in the future, and volunteers. Ok...sounds a little more like me. I do some of those things.

Then we get to listing her character traits. I had a few about being trustworthy, hard working, decisive, savvy, giving, and physically strong (she must work out!). But I also added (through discussion from the other girls) that she has dignity, faith, wisdom, stays busy, comforting to others, has confidence in the future, always positive, and an asset to her husband.

Now she is starting to sound less like the little stay at home barefoot and pregnant version I thought she was and fits more with what is expected of today's modern woman. In fact it sounds overwhelming- like some kind of super woman. But not so unattainable in small doses of each and development over time.

The end of the study asked us what kind of woman did we want to be five years from now. I put "kind, successful, wise, loved, a good example, and facing the future with confidence." All of which fit in with this version of the Proverbs 31 woman.

Our very last question was "How can we begin to develop these characteristics and capabilities in the current "season" (S-I-N-G-L-E) of our life?"

Here come my goal setting obsessions...

1. workout- to become strong physically (no lie that part was in there!)
2. Always be helping others as much as I can - to become giving
3. Have more trust and faith in God- so I can face the future with confidence
4. Utilize my time better and not be lazy- to become hardworking
5. Dress Well- so I can exude confidence and nobility

I am really going to try to work on these things. I wrote them on my whiteboard on my fridge and I am going to post a copy of them work so they will always be in my face.

Developing character takes time and practice. I also heard a great little tidbit on the way to work this week. It was talking about how life is a test. You are constantly being tested and while there may be no right or wrong answer to each test, you reveal your true character through those tests. I can say I am dependable, but anytime I show up late or don't answer a friend's call because I am too "busy" does that make me really dependable? I can say I am honest, but every time I tell a little white lie, that etches away some of that trait. I can say I am giving, but if I pass up a chance to volunteer to help and instead lay on the couch all afternoon, am I really giving? So I need practice and reminders to solidify these traits in me. And I'll be watching out for those little tests God throws at me to measure just how far along I've come!

Giving Without Expectation

This weekend something happened to me that got me started thinking about gifts. I looked up the definition of gift:

Something voluntarily transferred from one person to another without compensation

You see a gift should come from your heart and it should not hold any expectations to it. Nor should it be given because of something someone has done for you. A true gift is not tied to anything. You just give because you want to.

Most of the things we think of today as gifts really aren’t true gifts. You get invited to a wedding or a shower of some sort and you bring a gift because it is expected. It could even be seen as bringing a gift in exchange for food or snacks served at the event. You get invited to a dinner party and you bring a bottle of wine in exchange for the food they cooked for you. You send someone a Christmas gift because they got one for you. You get your boyfriend a really expensive watch for Valentine’s Day because you are expecting an extravagant gift from him. You donate to the “building fund” at church because you are tired of being cramped in to a warehouse with 1000 other people every Sunday.

Now I am not saying these things are wrong or bad. Just the opposite, they are good because when someone does something nice for you or you want the thing you are a part of to be better or you appreciate being included in someone’s big event, then by all means you should give something to acknowledge that. I am just saying that maybe we have started to lose the true meaning of the word gift and confusing our “giving” with counterbalancing or a form of compensation.

“Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7

I think true joy from giving and the receiving of gifts can only come when there are no expectations on the part of the giver or the recipient. And people shouldn’t give because they feel under compulsion to give. That defeats the purpose. It will just bring guilt and resentment on both parties. The giver gives under compulsion and reluctantly and the receiver might not appreciate it as much because that was the expectation they had anyway.

I have been on both sides of this. I have given reluctantly and then complained for years sometimes about all the gifts I bought for so-and-so for her engagement/bachelorette/wedding/baby showers and now she is too busy to even talk to me…do you think she’ll come to my wedding? Do you think I’ll ever get one gift out of her? I have thought before how I got so-and-so a birthday gift but when my birthday rolls around I don’t get anything from them. I have been unappreciative of gifts guys have given me because I was expecting more. (The one I will never forget was a chocolate fish that said “You’re a Keeper” when I was expecting so much more. It was NOT a happy Valentine’s day)

I don’t like feeling like this. I want to bring back true giving without expectations. It isn’t easy because you have to forget about “the rules”. You have to get creative and do things that are unexpected. I have to change my heart to one of a giving and receiving spirit in all areas of my life. I don’t want someone to give me a gift out of obligation or expectations and then feel resentful about it, thus making me feel horrible about it. I don’t want to give a gift to someone expecting something from them and then be disappointed when I don’t get it.

So to start with I am officially letting go of all the resentment I have been carrying around about wedding and baby gifts. And in the future I am only going to give if I really want to. I will turn down those invitations where I know I am just another “gift” to them. I am also going to try to let go of all expectations for birthdays, Christmas, and any other national holiday that has been turned into nothing but consumerism.

This whole thing has been really hard to wrap my head around, but it seemed to be coming up more and more over the years, so these are just my preliminary thoughts on it. All I know is something has to change. What do you think?

Defining Character- Self Discipline Part II

A few months ago I wrote about how I was struggling with my self discipline. I had this whole plan of what I was going to give up for 2 weeks starting with a spending diet. Well, I never really followed through on those things. Except the spending diet I went on for 2 weeks and that did not stick around after that.

However, all that started when I gave up fast food restaurants for Lent. And you know what? I don’t eat out at fast food places that much anymore. It isn’t a conscious thing. I just don’t think of that much as an option anymore.

So maybe it takes longer for something to become a habit for me. Two weeks is not enough. Lent is 40 days (not counting Sundays) so maybe my time-frame should be more like a month. So in August I am focusing on my self-discipline.

I went to a seminar recently where the guy told us to envision our perfect day. What would it look like? Not your perfect day if you were independently wealthy and could sleep until noon and then lay on the beach all day, but your everyday life now. What would a perfect workday look like. Here’s mine:

6:45 am- get up and take the dog for a run or go to the gym or go swimming
7:30 am- take a shower and take my time getting ready for work
8:30 am- make a healthy breakfast
8:45 am- leave for work
9:00 am- start work (not going to break all that down!)
1:00 pm- go home for lunch and hang with Cam
2:00 pm- come back to work
6:00 pm- go home for the day
6:30 pm- make dinner (something delicious and healthy)
7:00 pm- finish dinner and catch up on DVR or run errands
8:00 pm- watch TV and clean or do crunches/sit-ups during commercials
10:00 pm- read daily Bible passage
10:15 pm- get in bed and read
11:00 pm- be asleep

So I am going to start this next week and stick to it on weekdays everyday during the month of August. I’m going to try to at least get on that sleep schedule this week so that it shouldn’t be such a shock to my system. But hopefully I will be able to stick to it for the whole month and those habits will carry over.

How’s your self-discipline? What do you do that helps it?

P.S. why do I use the word “so” so much? Give me an alternative! Just go ahead and count the number of times that word appears in this post! I have a problem.

Defining Character: 10 Ways I am Going Green

Next Wednesday is Earth Day. I’m not a hippie or anything, but I do think it is important to be more environmentally conscious. In honor of Earth Day next week I am going to do 10 things in an attempt to “go green” this week:

1. Just say no to paper and plastic. I have been trying to accumulate a collection of reusable grocery bags. By next Wednesday I’ll complete this collection and vow to only use these bags. I’ll make sure I always have them in my car, so that I’ll never have to use a disposable bag at the store again.

2. Carry a water bottle. I have a water bottle I use at work everyday, but I plan to put one in my car as well. That way I will be less likely to purchase bottled water and maybe I will even put my coffee mug in my car to so I can use that at Starbucks instead of their paper cups. I do have 12 cup holders now, so why not take advantage of them?

3. Walk to the grocery store and gym. My grocery store and gym are probably less than a mile from my house and you know how many times I have walked there? Zero. I am going to walk to the grocery store and/or gym at least once this week and make a conscious effort to do this more in the future.

4. Cut down on mail. I hate the mail. 80% of what I get is junk. I already cut down on a lot of mail by doing online banking, but I would be ok with never getting any unsolicited mail ever again. I went to the Direct Marketing Association and registered so I can remove myself from some of these lists. I already removed myself from all credit card offers and I am going to monitor my mail for the next week so I can remove myself from other non-relevant mailing lists.

5. Spring Cleaning! I am in desperate need of a spring cleaning at my house. Saturday I am going to clean out my closets and donate my things instead of throwing them away.

6. Cut down on dog poop waste bags. I try to do this by only picking up multiple piles of poop 2-3 times/week, but this has back-fired on me. My neighbors contacted my homeowners association and complained about the poop because it wasn’t being picked up right away. I found this product called Flush Puppies that is a biodegradable bag you can use to pick up the poop and flush it. I ordered a sample pack to try it out.

7. Unplug my cell phone charger. I always leave my charger plugged in so I can easily just plug my phone in before bed. But while that charger is plugged in it is still drawing electricity. So I am going to unplug this when I am not using it and try to unplug other appliances when not in use as well.

8. Cut out beef this week. The world’s 1.5 billion cattle are estimated to produce up to 18% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions. That’s more than cars, airlines and all other forms of transportation combined. I can’t completely cut out the dairy because of my love for cheese, but I’ll try to cut down on that too.

9. Replace the light bulbs in my bathroom with compact florescent light bulbs (CFLs). I have 2 light bulbs burnt out on the vanity in my bathroom and I am going to replace them with CFLs. They probably won’t match the other 2 that aren’t burnt out yet, but that’s ok. No one really sees that bathroom but me anyway.

10. Change my air filters. I am really bad about this because my ceilings are really high and it isn’t easy to get to the vents. The last time I replaced these was when my heat went out this winter, so I’d say it’s time for some new ones!

What things have you done to “go green”?

Defining Character: Self-Discipline

"In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves ... self-discipline with all of them came first." — Harry S. Truman

How many times a day do I do one thing when I know I should be doing something else? A lot. I know self-discipline is one of my weak areas. Before picking this topic for my character development, I thought to myself “Do I really want to be known as self-disciplined?” “Aren’t those people boring?” “I don’t want to be boring.”

In the end though, everyone needs self-discipline. There are just things in life you are not going to want to do. I don’t want to get out of bed every morning and go to work, but I have to do it. I don’t want to sit down to pay all my bills each month, but I have to do it. I don’t want to clean up my dog’s poop or clean out the litter box, but I have to do it.

Lately I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. This constant struggle with feeling uninspired, frustrated, and just basically checked out has been making things hard. I struggle with everything else in my life because one or two BIG areas are just draining me. Cleaning my house and my car, cooking and eating healthy, exercising, saving money, doing my taxes, and even reading the Bible feel like they would take a Herculean effort on my part to accomplish.

It has never gotten this bad. I never had to “work-on” the self-discipline this much. But something has to change. I have to motivate and inspire myself somehow.

Self-Discipline isn’t fun. It doesn’t come naturally. It is something I think everyone has to work on and develop. It can be overwhelming if you try to do too much at once.

It all started when I decided I was going to give up fast food for Lent. (even though I don't really practice Lent, but my mom does so I jumped on the bandwagon) #1- it would save money and #2- It might help me shed some lbs! (BTW, I am having a crisis because my team at work wants to take advantage of FREE milkshakes at Chic-fil-a for our company's employees next Tuesday. I REALLY want to go, but that counts as fast food right?)

Then I decided I was going to take on more of a challenge. I was going to focus on specific things to eliminate or add to my life. Once, I read that there are two types of people when it comes to this type of thing:

The first type is the “all or nothing” type. These are the types of people who must give up something completely, or practice it every single day to get it under control. You either do it or you don’t. Period.

The second type of people are the moderators. These are the type of people who if you tell them they can’t have something or can’t do something, it makes them indulge. They would do better with having just one cookie a week to hold the edge off, rather than giving up cookies for a week and then eating an entire box.

You always hear “moderation is key”, but I think I am more of an “all or nothing” kind of girl. When I try to practice moderation, it never works out. I make too many excuses when I try to moderate. Instead I am going to try to make a goal to either eliminate or add something to my life, practice it religiously for 2 weeks then pick something else to work on. Hopefully after 2 weeks whatever I have been working on will become second nature and I won’t have to think about it as much, I’ll just do it naturally.

This week I started with a spending diet. Monday- Friday I am not spending any money. I have to make sure to fill up my car with gas on the weekend and get any essentials I may need. I pack my lunch everyday and eat whatever I have in my pantry instead of going out. So far it is going good. The only thing I am worried about is my Bible Study group is going out to dinner for a birthday next Monday. Would it be rude to not eat? I want to stick to my spending diet…no exceptions. But I don’t want to be rude? How do I handle this?

Other things I plan on giving up/adding in the coming weeks:

- 2 weeks of working out every single day
- 2 weeks of keeping my house clean every single day
- 2 weeks with no internet
- 2 weeks with no TV

I feel like these exercises will help me live more simply and get a better control on my most precious resources: time and money. And hopefully exercising all this Self-Discipline along the way will permanently ingrain that in my character.

Defining Character: Love One Another

One of the most quoted passages from the Bible during wedding ceremonies is this passage from I Corinthians:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…

When I heard this passage being read I used to think “Oh that is what it will feel like when I meet the one!” or “This is how you are supposed to treat each other in marriage.”

But this passage is really meant for how we are supposed to treat everyone. I would be happy if just one person could embody all those qualities and treat me like that always, let alone everyone! Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was always patient, kind, humble, calm, forgiving, honest, trusting, hopeful, and would never give up on you?

I can’t control everyone else’s actions, but I can try to control my own. I do not always treat everyone I meet the way I would want to be treated. Usually it is more like a mirror. I treat them how I perceive them to be treating me. If someone is rude and pushing my buttons it is hard not to be rude and try pushing their buttons. If someone hurts me then I want to hurt them back.

But what if I turn that mirror around and instead reflect to them what is in my heart which is love? And if love is all of these things- patient, kind, humble, calm, forgiving, honest, trusting, hopeful, and persevering- then I should reflect that in the way I treat everyone, not just my significant other.

So I am going to try to stop being afraid of being hurt by other people. I am going to try to be patient and calm. I am going to try to always forgive and persevere. Maybe it will change the way people interact with me. Maybe when I am the one holding up that mirror in front of me, it will be reflected back in other people’s actions towards me. And that would make my little world a much happier place!

Defining Character- Thoughtfulness and Giving Update

The month is almost over, so I thought I would give you an update on how the Thoughtfulness and Giving thing went. I did something special for almost everyone on my list. They weren't all as meaningful as I might have wanted (baked goods are always thoughtful right?) I even sent the gift (along with a letter) to the Ex. I heard through a friend that still works with him that he got it and wasn't too weirded out by it. He didn't call and thank me or anything, but that's ok. Overall I did pretty darn good and I am pleased with myself.

I also managed to figure out a way to work in "giving" with my family's Christmas presents. In addition to some doggie treats, my mom's dog also received a donation to puppiesbehindbars.com in her name. In addition to a passport cover and other gifts, my uncle got a water bottle and a donation to charitywater.org in his name. For my mom, in addition to her cashmere sweater and other gifts, I got her the Willow Tree Angel of Health and donated 2 chickens in her name through worldvision.org and two insecticide-treated mosquito nets through malarianomore.org.

I plan to continue this throughout the new year. I am going to start giving at church more (I just cannot tithe 10% right now...still living paycheck to paycheck for this twenty-something!). When I give gifts, I am going to take the time to really think about what would make a difference to that person instead of getting something generic. I'm also going to try to write more thank you notes to take the time to recognize when someone has done something special for me. It really does make you feel good when you slow down and focus on thoughtfulness in your giving. Try it!

Defining Character: Thoughtfulness & Giving

Since this is the Christmas season I thought a good character trait to develop would be Thoughtfulness and Giving (because who doesn’t want to be known as thoughtful and giving?) But I have to admit this has been hard. It’s hard because it takes time and money- two precious commodities in this economy and during this time of year. It’s also hard because there are so many people I want to do something for and I don’t want to leave anyone out.

I started with making a list of people who really influenced my life over the last few years. I tried to limit it to no more than 25. Then I picked the people from that list who I probably wouldn’t have normally done something for at Christmastime. These people were the people who would probably be shocked to get something from me and I feel really awkward about sending something to. I started with an easy one. I sent a gift basket to the marketing team at my old job. They were a great team and I miss them a lot. They were appreciative to get the basket and I am going to try to go have lunch with them next week.

Now for a really weird one: I got a present for my ex-boyfriend. He really did have a big impact in my life and our relationship ended really weird (He just stopped talking to me when we were in this weird “friends” stage). I got him a funny t-shirt and I wrote a little letter about how I wanted to show him some appreciation for the impact he had on my life. I am sending it today and I am little scared about how that one will be received.

And that is as far as I have gotten with the Thoughtfulness part. I have lots of ideas for the other people on my list, but I have no time because I want it to be something really thoughtful because these are the people I see on a regular basis and something ordinary like a picture frame or candle just isn’t right. Also, I don’t want to leave anyone out, but I don’t want to give something just out of obligation. Like at work, I don’t want to give something to some people because they haven’t made an impact on my life really (at least not in a good way), but there are other people I would like to give something to, but then I would feel bad if someone found out and felt left out.

Now for the Giving part: giving gifts to the people in my life fits in to this category also, but I want to do something for people who are less fortunate and really need it. I got a Glamour magazine and it had a list of 31 ways to give this season. I went through the list and tried to pick out 10 things that I could do. For example:

Give up bottled water for a week; donate the savings to charitywater.org, where $20 can give one person drinking water for 20 years!

At inspiredgifts.unicefusa.org, $35 buys a bike to get a health worker to remote areas.

Each dollar donated to roomtoread.org promotes child literacy in the developing world.

At malarianomore.org, $10 will buy one insecticide-treated mosquito net—enough to protect at least one child from malaria for up to five years.

Give $25 to puppiesbehindbars.com and help an inmate train a puppy to be a service dog.

If you want to see the whole list from Glamour click here

Then I thought about just donating $5 for every charity that asked this month. But this economy is making me nervous about money. I heard a rumor at my workplace that layoffs could be coming and I don’t want to be giving away all my money only to be left unemployed next year. Plus, if I am applying to grad school in the coming month, I need to set aside at least $500 for that.

So far all I have done for the Giving aspect of this is to donate $100 to my church’s Christmas Missions Offering. This is the biggest gift I will give to anyone this year, so I feel good about it, but I can't help but want to do more.

I have less than half a month to work on this one some more, but it is hard. Maybe I should focus my time more on things like “Thank You” cards and donating my time or stuff, something that doesn't require much money. Either way at least it has me thinking and will hopefully make me more conscientious of these areas in the future.

Defining Character: Independence

The Defining Character Series continues today with one of my most long-standing qualities- Independence. However... sometimes I’ve got it, sometimes I don’t.

In most situations I am very independent. This started from a very young age. In fact when I was just a baby my parents decided to pimp me out for medical testing (we did live in Research Triangle Park). Before you go saying “So, that’s what’s wrong with her…” I will let you know there were no drugs (that I know of) involved. It was more like “how many times do we have to coax this baby to push this button before she starts doing it on her own” type tests. My mom took me to these because when I was something like 6 months old, my dad asked when I was going to get a job. I think this subconsciously told me I better learn how to take care of myself.

My mother also frequently tells me stories of our trip to Disney World when I was like 6. On this trip I figured out how to smuggle in a can of Coke to the park. I wiggled my way to a curbside seat for the parade and left my parents in the back of the crowd. I also attempted to cross 3 or 4 countries at Epcot and told my parents to hold my spot for prime viewing of the fireworks show. (My mom can’t remember if she actually let me go by myself.)

Now that I am all grown up I own my own house and manage to take care of it. Although there have been some crazy adventures with that one. I take care of my own car (to the best of my ability). Basically if anything goes wrong in my life, I have to figure out how to fix it. I can’t go calling daddy to come fix it. I manage to figure a way most of the time. Sure there are things that probably need fixing, but aren’t essential so I ignore them for a while. And of course I get advice and help from friends occasionally. And my mom has bailed me out on a rare occasion...but overall I am pretty darn capable of taking care of myself.

Lately though I have recognized a few areas where my independence needs some work:

1. Unknown social situations: Basically I need someone I know to be at any new activities I do. I have a hard time going to something new without have a friend go through it with me. For example, I really want to go to my church’s “Young Professionals” events (to meet a boy mainly…I know that is so, so bad). But I have no one to go with me and the thought of going alone makes me want to curl up in a little ball under a rock and hide. But maybe I need to challenge myself. I mean if I were truly independent would I think twice about going by myself?

2. You already know this one because it is on the list- Paying my Own Bills: There are 2 bills my mom still pays- my gas and my car insurance. Mainly because my car insurance bill came the month I graduated college and when she tried to hand it over to me, I convinced her I couldn’t pay it and needed to focus on finding a job. The gas thing is because that was the one allowable item I could charge to my parent’s credit card back when I first got it 10 years ago and I just never stopped. I have set a goal of taking these over at the beginning of the new year (or whenever it is time to renew my car insurance). But I really do need to budget a little better because I am practically living paycheck-to-paycheck as it is.

But I am not one of those crazy people who won’t let anyone else take care of them. Who doesn’t like to be taken care of every now and then? But I do like knowing that I am capable of doing it on my own. Because when it comes down to it who do you have to depend on but yourself?